Wednesday, August 6, 2008

A poor excuse for a man

i really hate lambasting people as much as i can help it. i know people knew me well enough that when i am angry i will not be able to hide or mask the emotions that i have and so these kinds of emotional bursts come in to my consciousness.

pardon me for using such a title but as far as i know that is the best way i can describe such a person. i have harnessed these emotions for quite a while now and needless to say i am so over all the things that had happened a couple of months ago but for them to resurface now? why you might ask.

well the thing is, the man i was talking about doesn't seem to know the word "respect". R-E-S-P-E-C-T so plain and simple, its like having the decency to be courteous to someone either a friend, a foe, your boss most importantly and even your ex's after all they're also human.

what i really don't understand is how come something this universal can't be practiced by majority of people. so why am i like this? well it is simply because someone hadn't respected my personal property. how?

well let me tell you a short story (i would really try to make it short i promise)

once i knew a man who had been very close to me, we shared a lot of stuff and i also thought that we had shared more than that but it was all just a misunderstanding or some foolishness born of his oversized ego. i have purchased a similar garment for the both of us to use and when we broke up or fell apart or whatever you might call it both garments stayed in his hands.

i have returned all his stuff to him in one piece when he had requested for it and totally forgot about that garment when some time my brother wanted to borrow it i would really want him to have it i said but i failed to remember it wasn't in my possession any longer. but the reason he asked me for it was because he saw a couple of pictures of the same man and a different woman wearing the matching garment. at that point i really didn't believe him and had to see it for my very own eyes and it dawned on me.

how cruel could this man be? or how insensitive could he ever get? i have pardoned everything he had done and had just entrusted everything to fate but in the end of it all he still doesn't have the slightest idea what respect truly means. maybe it would have been better if he had offered to return that garment to me, i'm not after the one i gave to him because i gave it already but the other one was mine and if anyone has the right to give it away, use it or destroy it, that is no other than i.

i am not maligning him as a person but i'm sure even if you would ask someone else the only best thing to do is to return such and i would even guess if the woman had known where it came from she would deny wearing it or to have it because it would not be kind to do such thing.

well i am over that right now that i have released my response. just think how can you even give yourself a chance or how on earth would the world give you the chance if still in the future you deviate from the proper thing to do.

the world does not brand ex-cons or other criminals because they were behind bars for a period of time, it's just they lose the essence of humanity and leave it behind those bars. people give chances to those who deserve them not to the ones who want or demand them.

if you have learned your lesson you wouldn't commit the same mistakes again. there is just one key to be able to live peacefully in this world and that is to learn how to respect other people no matter how small, evil or how much they have hurt you in the past.

as far as i am concerned i have been silent for the longest time and haven't blamed anyone for the choices i have made nor the consequences that had followed and i can clearly and honestly say that i have not in anyway trampled the dignity of that man nor have accused him of anything in anyway possible. and that is the only way i can show that i still am capable of respecting such being, but i could not stoop down one more level it had been highly degrading and very uncharacteristical.

i no longer have demands for such garment, i would just want to express my deepest regret for the person wearing it if she doesn't know the real story behind it. maybe she was made to believe it was bought for her or something.

i cannot blame another person for the mistakes another one have made me, i am not made to do such.

and to those people who are asking why can't they be happy, the answer is simple you are not doing things the proper way you are still intertwining your lives with complications. telling the truth is very important, having the guts to say it, is for me such a very noble and brave act. maybe in telling the truth you might be able to find something real. there are enough shadows, cobwebs and loose ends, i think it's about time you stand up and face your demons and not hide from them because no matter what you do they will haunt you unless you put closure to them in a manner a real man would.


i just remember a line from Glenn Close in the series Damages, a certain man was harassing her and that man said "if you were a man i would kick you." and her reply?

"if you were a man i would be frightened."

clearly not all men are created equal some of them have high regard for themselves which they truly deserve for making the right choices and some of them doesn't even have the balls to do such.

it just ends here today, i still wish him to be happy with whatever endeavors he wanted to pursue in his life, wishing him the best that life could hopefully bring, i still chose to preserve your anonymity as a sign of my good faith and respect. i just hope you do well and make the right choices from here on. i did not do this to damn you although it might have have hurt your ego fairly as i wished it would (but might probably be not as close to mine) but i still believe everyone deserves a chance and i think you should start using it wisely before you run out of it.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Prolific Senseless Ideas

Streaming through my mind are just but countless ideas, I have no plans in documenting them all because I fear it would again create a compulsion to write just about anything which is not really a very good idea but it just seems kinda tiring most of the time.

Processing things step by step had been proven to be a tough act specially for a hyperactive girl like me, sometimes taking it slow really helps you focus on the more important aspects of things.

Last Monday I was with a friend in Gateway, she invited me to watch a movie and we both agreed on watching the Dark Knight. All I can say is Batman had truly evolved into something else. I have watched every Batman franchise there is with different actors and different antagonists but the one that the Nolan brothers made truly captivating. I understand why it had been on top for many weeks on the box office.

I don't know why Batman have intrigued me for the longest time ever, I never bothered watching Superman, Spiderman or any other superhero movie in the theatre especially since I can remember but Batman had been different. Maybe it was because he's the only superhero without the super powers he's still human and is unable to regenerate nor live forever like his uncanny friends in the justice league.

What amazes me in this movie is the fact that they had a different portrayal of the Joker not entirely the kind of loony that would just aim for stuff but is actually showing the people a lesson a genuine one. I remember the boat scene (or maybe it was a ship) wherein he announced his little social experiment wherein the people on the boat would be the one to choose whether who would live with just a push of the button.

I know everyone is scared to die but they didn't give in to the demands of the single entity that is trying to elude them into killing each other. On the other side were criminals and convicts while on the other side were innocent people as they claim to be (sacrificial lambs?)

Erwin told me that the Joker hanging upside down was no longer Heath Ledger I don't know he was convincing enough or maybe that was just his fallacy born of his routine exhausted mind (just kidding!).

That scene particularly reminded me of Vanilla Sky with Tom Cruise and Penelope Cruz well not really in the part you were thinking but mostly on the dialog. I remember in Vanilla Sky I just don't remember who said it but there was a line that says "you wouldn't know the sweetness of life until you've savored it's bitterness" (or something like that, my memory seems to fail me) so on Batman, I think the Joker was trying to say that good would be nonexistent without evil trying to prove it otherwise.

Yeah it's a tough movie to digest but the one thing I personally hate about today's Batman? He doesn't have his own heavy line to throw he just adopts his villains words of wisdom funny he was able to pull that off truly Batman was a man of few words for he doesn't need such just to brag about what he had done.

So enough about Batman, let's give my mental juices a chance to flourish. I've again revisited my favorite column on the daily inquirer which is of none other than by Mr. Dero Pedero I realized he had changed his email address maybe that's why my personal feedbacks and comments never made it to his knowledge. Anyway, there was this article about Good and Nice. Yes "Good and Nice" at first I thought my eyes are failing me but it was there all in bold red letters that can't be mistaken.

The article was about the goodness of man so it began with a prayer from a darling little girl which the parents overheard one night it goes something like "Dear God, I know people are already good but can you please make them nice? Amen".

When the parents heard this they pondered on the thought but really wasn't able to figure out what the girl was trying to say. So they talked to their child and asked her a little about what she had prayed to God. The little child simply gave an example, you know our neighbors they go to church every Sunday, they have a good home and they are a good family but they are not very nice. And they asked why did she say this, because I accidentally dialled their number early in the morning last Sunday and the father shouted at me saying "Don't you know we're late for church you got the wrong number goodbye!"

Very simple. Sometimes we think, just because we go to church, or doesn't commit we are already following the right path but even so you still have to be nice to other people. You might be nice to your friends but how about to strangers and people you don't even know. That little girl is right the world is running out of nice people.

Think about it. Have you been nice lately?

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Post Birthday Blog

Well, I know this was already a week overdue, but I guess I still wanted to take note of all the things that had transpired during my birthday celebrations. Yeah, celebrations. And it was kinda costly, mind you. During Christmas, I was uber busy on budgeting whatever money I have to be able to fund the birthday celebration I had in mind. I forgot all about the festivities altogether. The promised wonder of the occasion didn't really sank in to my consciousness. i salvaged the time I had left to rest for the series of merrymakings ahead.

On the night of Christmas eve, I have watched my cellphone died on me, not that I was busy texting people or anything, but because of the greetings it was receiving and my charger was out of sight I just stood there waiting for some miracle to happen (nah, was just kidding). SO going on, I had hoped for someone to show up and deliver that really old cheer but nothing happened and I even sank so low as to wish for Santa or any sign of his reindeers but much to my dismay nothing/no one came.

On the day of the 26th, I went to work in the Korean company where I teach. I noticed that even though I woke up at almost 4 am and was on the road minutes after 4, I still came to my office quarter past early... (Oh well, maybe it was just because no one in their right mind would be out this early at the night after xmas) So going on... arriving on time was not really a big deal, but instead the Korean officer arriving late. Imagine we had to wait for like an hour and a half before the door to our office was opened? What a day!

Carlo cooked braised beef and brought it to our office afterwards for my officemates and I of course to feast on. A few more celebrated laughter and cheer before the day ended. The Korea office gave me the "template gift" on the 27th and Hannah gave me her gift also on that day.

I had invited a lot of people on my birthday celebration. Maybe I will bit off more than I could chew, but it never happened because only 9 peeps showed up on the day itself. Ron had to go to an aunt due to an emergency, Micheale had a sprain while going up on the escalator. Whew! (cguro jinx ako! lolx) So we just went on with the party, after all my best pals were there to show some lovin'.

Another year wasted, and 2007 had already gone by just like that *poof*. I had plenty of things in mind to write about, but I guess they have escaped me once again. The perils of aging is slowly inching closer to me. The unexplainable pain at night is getting more obvious as time goes by. Maybe it's just me, thinking and vividly hallucinating but the way I see it, fear had already stricken my meek body.

Yet again, the irony remains, I am still living the hellish life I am hating. Who am I to tell you about pain? I am just a sad little brat, trying to seek attention from other unworthy beings. I just this year would be better.

Even though this was supposed to be my birthday blog, I think this would also be a great opportunity to include my new year's resolution: To make everyday count and always be happy.

What a great start you might say ei? Well, at least now I know what am I aiming for.