tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-64088770552841510772024-03-04T23:21:21.799-08:00Prolific Whims of a Psychedelic MortalChronicles of the logic oriented brain of a radical, combined with the incessant ramblings of a diva.Radical Divahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08553883477739206758noreply@blogger.comBlogger61125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408877055284151077.post-36537020676822373022018-11-22T12:28:00.001-08:002018-11-22T12:28:42.280-08:00Ipinaglihi sa malambot na kahoyHindi ako dapat tumingin sa iyong mga mata.<div>
<div>
Hindi dapat nagpadala sa matatamis na salita.</div>
</div>
<div>
Habang unti-unting naaaliw sa iyong mga pakana</div>
<div>
dahan-dahan ding nahuhulog ang pusong kumakawala.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Tila ipinaglihi sa malambot na kahoy ang puso'y naging marupok</div>
<div>
Pilit mang itago ang nararamdaman hindi pa rin ito mapagkasya sa sulok</div>
<div>
Nakatayo akong hindi sigurado ang kinalalagyan</div>
<div>
Hindi rin alam kung ano ang kahihinatnan</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Nakakagago, nakakabato, </div>
<div>
nakakagalit ang pagpupumilit</div>
<div>
Piglas ng piglas</div>
<div>
palagi namang nauutas</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Paano ba pupunan ang mga patlang</div>
<div>
Itatanong pa ba kung ano ang humahadlang</div>
<div>
Hindi naman dapat</div>
<div>
pero nalunod na sa'yo at ayaw nang umangat</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Sa mga ngiti mo ba nahumaling?</div>
<div>
Bakit ba ang tingin sa'yo ay napaling?</div>
<div>
Sa dulo ba nito makakamtan ang inaasam?</div>
<div>
O dapat na lang bang mamaalam?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Hiling sana ay masuklian ang pagnanasa</div>
<div>
Mapawi ng halik mo ang pagkabalisa</div>
<div>
Marahang ibulong ang mga katagang</div>
<div>
Halika dito, akin ka na lang.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
At tila ipinaglihi sa malambot na kahoy,</div>
<div>
ang pagiging marupok ay magtutuloy tuloy</div>
<div>
Pero hindi na mangangamba</div>
<div>
Kasi sasaluhin mo na.</div>
Radical Divahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08553883477739206758noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408877055284151077.post-44166438537607896042018-10-19T15:18:00.000-07:002018-10-19T15:18:28.493-07:00Wavelength<div style="text-align: center;">
"I think people who vibrate at the same frequency, </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
vibrate toward each other. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
They call it, in Science, </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
sympathetic vibrations." </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
- Erykah Badu</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
My soul is awake</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
It responds to every vibrations you make</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Evoked by the subtle scent of your being</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I found myself wanting</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
My heart yearns for you</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
In a way that is pure and true</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Like notes carefully written</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
To form a melody never forgotten</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Oh, curious little cherub</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
How can you make my heart throb</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
In a manner so wild</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
That I can't easily hide</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Caught in the middle</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I found myself bedazzled</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Subconsciously mesmerized</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
With only your smile memorized</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Oh, curious little cherub</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Please don't be a snub</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
My mind is already racing</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Every time I hear you sing</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Could you be a little more careful</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
As you juggle our hearts in a matter that is dreadful</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Could you be a little more patient</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Please wait for my heart to compensate.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Oh, curious little cherub</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
You are now someone I love</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Could you please hold my heart</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Don't let it break apart?</div>
Radical Divahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08553883477739206758noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408877055284151077.post-81113332301629467622018-09-14T17:34:00.000-07:002018-09-14T17:43:59.128-07:00SagiBumabagyo sa Ka-Maynilaan habang sinasalanta din ang aking isipan. Sinasalanta ng mga alaalang parang kahapon lang pinagdaanan. Matapos ang matagal na panahon umiyak na naman ako sa loob ng pampublikong sasakyan, katabi ang mga taong di alam ang pagkakakilanlan.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Sumagi ka na naman sa isip ko, siguro kasi maulan din noong nagsimulang sumibol yung pagmamahalan natin. Ang saya ko dati pag umuulan, kasi alam kong isang araw hindi tayo papasok sa opisina maglalagi lang sa kama, sa ilalim ng mga kumot, ramdam ang alab ng mga damdaming hindi na kailangang magtago.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Sumagi na naman sa isipan ko kung pano mo ikunot ang iyong noo tuwing susubukan kong tumakas o tumayo. Ilalabas mo ang giniginaw mong mga bisig para lang abutin ako at ikulong muli sa isang mahigpit na yakap na aking unti-unting ikakatunaw. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Sumagi na naman sa isipan ko yung araw na naligo tayo sa ulan sa gitna ng daan. Saway ka ng saway para ikaw ay aking lapitan kasi nag-iisa lang akong nagtatampisaw sa daan habang ang iyong mga kapitbahay eh tawang tawa sa itsura nating dalawa. Nakita ko yung pagaalala mo kasi sakitin nga pala ko, kaya kinagabihan sipon at lagnat din ang inabot ko.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Sumagi na naman sa isipan ko kung pano natin iwanan ang mundo, yung dilim ng langit, lamig ng panahon, baha sa kanto, kahit walang lamang pagkain yung itim na ref na bagong bili natin noon. Kung kaya't kahit na ikakasira ng payong eh sugod pa rin tayo sa pinakamalapit na kainan para lang magkalaman ang mga tiyan.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Sumagi na naman sa isipan ko kung panong isang buong maghapon tayong magkasama na wala man lang kahit telebisyon na gumagambala. Walang interes sa iba't ibang series at pelikula kasi parang ang bilis lang lumipas ng mga sandali kapag tayo ay magkasama. O kung meron man eh wala naman tayong natatapos. Nakakatulog ka, nakakatulog ako o minsan ibang bagay na ang inaatupag kaya di rin naiintindihan ang pinapanuod. Kasi noon, tayong dalawa lang sapat na.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Sumagi na naman sa isipan ko yung pakiramdam ng yapos mo habang nakatalikod ako at tumatama yung mainit mong paghinga sa aking tenga. Sabay ang pamumutawi ng walang hanggang pagmamahal sa iyong mga labi habang hinahaplos ang aking pisngi. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Sumagi na naman sa isipan ko yung mga araw na tayo ay magkasama, ilang taon ding masaya. Kung paanong kahit na masungit ako at magkagalit tayo eh hindi ako nilulubayan ng payong mo kahit na ikaw ay mabasa para lang hindi ako magkasakit. Yung mabilis ka pa sa alas kwatro bumili ng gamot ko umuugong pa lang yung sinat at sipon ko. Kung panong ipinapasuot mo sa akin ang hoodie ko kapag nakalimutan kong magdala ng payong tapos tatakpan mo pa ng kamay mo yung mukha ko parang masasangga naman nito ang ulang pumapatak sa daan.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Sumagi na naman sa isipan ko kung paano mo ko alalayan kasi likas akong madapain, yung palaging may kamay na aalalay. Kung paano mo isinisintas yung sapatos ko dahil hirap na akong yumuko at hindi ko pa rin natutunan pano yung dalawang beses na mahigpit na sintas na ginagawa mo kahit hindi pa makahinga yung paa ko minsan. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Sumagi na naman sa isipan ko yung ilang beses mong pagbabantay sa ospital tuwing magkakasakit ako. Yung pangungunsinti mo sa mga layaw ko katulad ng pagbili ng tsitsirya sa 7-11 sa hating gabi tapos pagsasaluhan natin, yung panunuod ng sine tuwing last full show ng biglaan kahit wala naman talagang masyadong interesanteng panuorin magkaroon lang tayo ng oras na magkasama. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Sumagi na naman sa isipan ko kung paano mo tinitikman lahat ng luto ko, kahit minsan may nakikita akong pag-aalinlangan lalo at matamis na naman ang inihanda. Naalala ko rin yung tuwing magluluto ako para sa'yo sa gitna ng gabi kasi nagutom ka at naubos na ang ulam natin nung hapunan. Kung paanong ikaw ang palaging nagsasaing kasi ewan ko ba kung bakit takot na takot ako kahit sa rice cooker pa yan.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Sumagi na naman sa isipan ko kung paano mo ko ipaglaba kasi hindi ako marunong, lalo nung nagsimula tayong mamuhay na tayong dalawa lang doon sa kwarto na may puno sa harapan. Kung paanong umuuwi tayo galing sa opisina ng kuntento na magluluto pa lang kahit pagod na para mas mahaba pa yung pagsasaluhang oras na magkasama.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Sumagi na naman sa isipan ko kung paanong minsan nauubusan ako ng damit at kinakailangan nating bumili para lang hindi mo ako pauwiin at magkasama pa tayo ng isang araw. Dalawa. Tatlo. Isang linggo. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Sumagi na naman sa isipan ko ang walang katapusang tawanan at mga kakaibang trip sa loob ng bus tuwing pauwi tayo. Limang taon. Walang palya. Walang ibang inuuwian magtalo man sa daan. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Sumagi na naman sa isip ko kung paano ko naging masaya sa piling mo. Yung mga bagay na minahal, minamahal at mamahalin ko tungkol sa'yo. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Sumagi na naman sa isip ko kung paanong sa loob ng ilang buwan lahat yan ay unti unting naglaho. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Sumagi ka na naman sa isipan ko, ako ba kahit minsan naisip mo?</div>
<div>
<div>
<div>
<br /></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
Radical Divahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08553883477739206758noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408877055284151077.post-64667458772679122322018-08-24T14:20:00.000-07:002018-08-31T15:45:10.322-07:00Bad At Love<div style="height: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br />
I'm bad at love<br />
But you can't blame me for trying<br />
You know I'd be lying saying<br />
You were the one<br />
- Bad At Love By Halsey -</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
There's this post I saw on Facebook and it said, "I wish I could get a refund for all the love I've wasted on people." just one sentence but it carries much grief. I don't believe on wasted love. At the time you loved the person, you were so sure they were worth it, and believe me they were.<br />
<br />
The notion that the person was not who you thought they were is highly debatable. I firmly believe that we know what we were getting into, we knew who we were falling in love with, we just couldn't choreograph the fall. We're unsure if we will be met with a pile of pillows or thorns once the seemingly endless falling stops.<br />
<br />
At the time this was unknown to you, you had high hopes, immeasurable expectations and truthfully, you were creating a scenario in your head playing it every single day not knowing there is this other end of the spectrum where a different situation may be at play.<br />
<br />
And then it happens, the falling comes to a complete stop.<br />
<br />
If you were like me and met with thorns, then tough luck. After almost seven years of dress rehearsals, the play never went to fruition. And then you wake up from your dream like state and taken to an inglorious nightmare. Maybe there's a lesson behind this, and you try to dig deeper, reflect, analyze and then you go overkill on these things. Your anxiousness eats at you and logic is cast aside. Your brain is functioning, living, breathing, working, sleeping but your soul gets ravaged.<br />
<br />
It gets better. I tell you, it really does. Not immediately. There's the soul crushing, energy draining, life escaping path you would need to walk on but you will get over it because you are strong, or at least that's what everybody is telling you. And you believe them, you believe yourself. That has always been the key.<br />
<br />
You believe yourself enough that when you wake up in the morning despite being in auto pilot you make it through the day in one piece. That you still care for people. You are still capable of love. That you start to find delight in the little miracles thrown in your path. It's not easy but you should pull through especially if there are people cheering you on, who would be equally devastated at the loss of you. Seeing you lose yourself, and continuously breaking your heart in a million pieces.<br />
<br />
There's hope. There's love. Maybe you are bad at this kind of love. Or maybe you just forgot that you are love. You just have to go back to being the love that you are.<br />
<br />
You are loved. You are love.<br />
<br />
<br />
<span jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"></span><br />
<span jsname="YS01Ge" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">
</span>Radical Divahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08553883477739206758noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408877055284151077.post-3719399790034420012018-08-21T12:05:00.000-07:002018-08-24T12:19:46.625-07:00Bumitaw Ka MunaBumitaw ka muna.<br />
May mga bagay na kailangan munang bitawan<br />
upang sarili ay mapahalagahan.<br />
Bumitaw ka muna.<br />
Dahil minsan ang totoong kaligayahan<br />
ay makakamit lamang sa kalayaan.<br />
Bumitaw ka muna.<br />
Lalo't hindi ka naman sigurado<br />
sa bagay na iyong pinanghahawakan.<br />
Masakit, mahirap pero kailangan.<br />
Para sa'yo.<br />
Para sa kanya.<br />
Para sa inyong dalawa.<br />
Bumitaw ka muna.<br />
At kumapit sa pangako na balang araw maiintindihan mo rin<br />
kung bakit hindi pwedeng maging kayo.<br />
Kumapit sa pangako na ang lahat ng binitawan<br />
ay mapapalitan ng mas higit pa sa iyong inaasahan.<br />
Kaya bumitaw ka muna sa ngayon upang<br />
mapaghandaan ang bukas.<br />
Bumitaw ka muna<br />
At kumapit sa Kanya.<br />
Sa huling pagkakataon,<br />
Balikan ang mapapait at masasayang alaala,<br />
Umiyak kung hindi mo na kaya.<br />
Pero pagkatapos,<br />
Bitaw na.<br />
<br />
- Jade Badal Jaudian<br />
<br />
=============<br />
<br />
Sabi ko nga bitaw muna. Yung puso ko iba ang pinupunto kahit alam ng utak ko kung san dapat patungo.Radical Divahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08553883477739206758noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408877055284151077.post-35714979964114646022018-08-20T11:05:00.001-07:002018-08-21T09:36:37.855-07:00Tagalog Para MatindiMarami ka nang nakalimutan pero ako naghihinanakit pa rin sa memorya ko.<br />
Bakit kailangang pati yung brown mong jacket na suot nung una kitang nakilala eh nakatatak pa rin sa utak ko? Suot ang iyong salaming ubod ng kapal habang inilalagay ang taling may isang pirasong pakpak para sa isang salu-salo.<br />
<br />
Hindi kita naging kaibigan, kasi sa unang beses na nakausap kita ang sinabi mo lang sa akin eh mga salitang muntik ko nang isampal sa pagmumukha mo. Tila napakapresko mong tao, akala mo naman eh napakagwapo. Yung mga araw ay nagdaan na para bang asar na asar ka sa pagmumuka ko, maingay ako, magaslaw ako at may kakaibang timbre ng boses na hindi naaayon sa napakasensitibo mong tenga. Akalain mo ang perpekto. Hindi pa rin tayo naging malapit sa isa't isa, sa bawat araw palagay ko eh lalong naiipon ang yamot mo sa natatangi kong pagkatao.<br />
<br />
Hanggang sa isang maliit na pagtitipon na puro kalalakihan ako ay napasama. Nag-inuman at nalasing, natulog sa kwarto ng iyong kabarkada. Natuwa ako dahil kayo ay naging huwarang mga kalalakihan. Unti-unti ang kabaitan ay sinuklian ng mga ngiti, pag-aasikaso na walang humpay at kasiyahan. Noong una pa lang ikaw na ay tinawag na Mahal, hindi ko alam kung bakit pero sa tuwing nakikita kong ikaw ay asar na asar sa pagsambit ng salitang yan eh tila ba may kakaibang pakiramdam akong nadarama. Pakiramdam ko sa asarang ito ay nananalo ako at napipikon ka.<br />
<br />
Hindi inalintana ang asaran ng mga tao sa paligid, wala namang ibang motibo sa kabila ng mga bagay na ginagawa kung hindi ang mapasaya at masakyan ang giliw ng madla. Gusto kong sabihing hindi ko alam kung saan nagsimula, kung panong ang kasungitan mo ay unti unting nawala. Napalitan ng pagkagiliw at araw araw na pagtatanong kung kumain ka na o kung may gusto ba akong ipabili sa baba.<br />
<br />
Nung ikalawang beses na ako ay sumama sa pagtitipon ng hindi na naman handa sa paglagok ng alak, may isang lalaking pumukaw ng aking paningin. Mula sa kabilang mesa nagkatitigan at para bang unti unti ay nagkakayayaan, tumayo ako papunta sana sa palikuran pero ako ay kanyang hinarang at magsisimula na sana ng pag-ulayaw pero pinuntahan mo ko para sabihang kailangan ko nang bumalik at magpaalam. Nanghinayang sa kinahinatnan at inis na inis sa iyong pangingialam, kaya ininom na lang ang alak na tangan.<br />
<br />
Nang gabing iyon, binantayan mo ako ng maigi at inalalayan. Nagpresintang ikaw na ang maghahatid pauwi sa bahay naming hindi mo naman alam kung saan. Pinangako sa mga kasamahang ikaw ang bahala habang ako ay iyong inakbayan. Hindi naman ako lasing, siguro medyo hilo pero sa'yong tangan ako ay pinanghinaan. Dinala mo ako ulit sa silid kung saan ako unang nahimasmasan nung gabing ubod ang kalasingan. Mag-isa ulit at walang nakialam, ako ay iyong pinangalagaan. Hanggang sa umupo ka sa tabi ko at marahang nagsalita, kinukubli man ng dilim dama ko ang kaba habang iyong sinasambit na tinatablan ka na.Radical Divahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08553883477739206758noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408877055284151077.post-8340553269439128702018-08-14T14:23:00.000-07:002018-08-14T14:23:17.018-07:00UnexpectedI don't like you, we're not even friends.<br />
<br />
It started with hatred, how you abhor the way I talk. You didn't want to listen to how my story goes but you didn't have much choice. Positioned next to each other, you endured every moment of each passing day while I happily traced them.<br />
<br />
You didn't like me, we're not even friends.<br />
<br />
Day by day, I continued on living the life I wanted. The life you thought was shallow and immature was full of zest and unimaginable happiness. I could almost walk on the clouds as you watched me from afar begrudgingly. You didn't know happiness even if it hit you in the face.<br />
<br />
I took you by the hand, we're not even friends.<br />
<br />
I looked at you. Saw you. Focused on you. Tried to help you. I saw someone who needed some cheering up. I have so much happiness to share that I don't mind reaching out to you although you just stood there and shooed me away.<br />
<br />
You finally reached out, we're not even friends.<br />
<br />
You looked back at me. Stood up to be seen. Held your breath and raised your hands. Finally, you succumbed to life, for once you weren't just simply existing but living. You breathed in everything that I had to offer and sighed at the thought of not experiencing it. It's like living in color for the first time.<br />
<br />
We held each other, we're not even friends.<br />
<br />
Everything happened all at once. From a couple of secret rendezvous to planned trips we started to get so high on each other. It all seemed so perfect and natural, we finally didn't need to hide. We started to see what could be. Me and you. You and me. Maybe this is it. Our own version of ever after.<br />
<br />
We knew each other like the backs of our hands, we're not even friends.<br />
<br />
We did things together. We laughed, cried, messed up, win, lose, celebrate and kissed. Oh we kissed. Like a whole lot. You looked at me like I am the most important person in the whole universe. I felt loved, needed.<br />
<br />
And then life happened, we're still not friends.<br />
<br />
Routines started to sink in. Everything became comfortable. At the back of my mind, everything was normal, we're okay. I didn't know what you were thinking but I started to feel the isolation. Weren't we a team? We're not friends but we did want the best for each other. At least that's what I wanted for you, but I never knew if you felt the same way, too.<br />
<br />
You left me, how can we be friends?<br />
<br />
I didn't realize that as I tried my best to save you by swimming to the shore, you were slowly putting all your weight on me. I forgot that I could walk on clouds that I remained in the water treading for our dear lives. The girl who once was trying to save someone is now tired and slowly sinking. As I pull us to shore, all my energy is exhausted while you quickly ran around. I'm drowning in the shallow waters.<br />
<br />
I am now trying to get my bearings. Slowly, painfully, I lift up my hands hoping for you to save me. But you didn't. I had to twist and wriggle just to move closer to the shore. Hopefully be able to get some air and be able to stand up again. The process is taking forever as I writhed in pain. My whole body is trembling. Coldness envelops my being.<br />
<br />
I'm letting you leave, we can't be friends.Radical Divahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08553883477739206758noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408877055284151077.post-45293681154219381612018-08-09T14:46:00.002-07:002018-08-22T06:41:07.068-07:00To The Girl He Left BehindHe left you for her, not because she was prettier or because she was more loving than you. He left because he couldn't handle the the life you had to offer and the plans you were making, he left because you deserved better than him and trust me you do. He left because he isn't ready for you. He needs to grow up and face these challenges on his own, he won't change for anyone but himself. I know it sounds selfish but this is also for you. I hope you realize that he was never meant to be part of your life. I hope you realize that this heartache, this pain is not eternal. I hope you realize that he doesn't deserve anything from you, not even hatred. I hope you realize that he is not ready even for the family he helped brought in this world.<br />
<br />
I know how it feels when everything you dreamt of collapses even before your dreams become a reality. I know how it feels when everything clogs your throat, and your eyes well up with tears, I know it feels like the end of everything but trust me, it doesn't last. It gets tiring when you see him with her, know that he chooses her every time he gets the chance. It gets worse when his voice haunts you when you're alone, when his memories make your bones ache, when you gaze at his side of the bed which now appears like a huge void and your heart break. I hope you realize that he doesn't deserve any tear from you.<br />
<br />
It's sad that you gave him your world and he still walked away, I know it tears you apart every time you hear his name and your heart stops beating but instead shatters into a million pieces. I know how it feels when you are alone at night, and the darkness creeps in; you cannot hide your sadness anymore and all you do is cry yourself to sleep. Do not feel sad, do not feel unwanted, it's his loss not yours, no other woman will love him the way you did.<br />
<br />
I hope this time you remember that you need to fall in love with yourself first even before you decide to fall in love with someone else and you don't lose that love even though you are tempted to give him everything you've got. I hope you forgive yourself for loving the wrong person, forgive him, not for his sake, but for your inner peace. Forgive him for your inner growth. He was just a storm in your life, promise me that you will never dwell in this misery waiting for him to come back because he won't. I hope this pain leaves you soon and happiness visits you again, this time, may it last forever.<br />
<br />
----<br />
<br />
Modified version of a poem from Talesofmaya_<br />
<br />
<br />Radical Divahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08553883477739206758noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408877055284151077.post-26733336193207223982018-07-02T11:50:00.001-07:002018-07-02T11:50:55.552-07:00One More High<br />
It happened again today.<br />
<br />
While busy making plans, progress and whatnots. A feeling you can't simply ignore, the wanting for that one more high.<br />
<br />
It has escaped my consciousness for quite some time, little did I know, it has been building up getting ready for a comeback. It wasn't just the nostalgia, the flashbacks, the memories that I have attached to you, it's also the feeling that I get to experience. The feeling that the veracity of words couldn't even describe.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHyWk63Hj7jb7EupQ8fl4UZzQ51g0ItyzOc4IRRVKqYe8VT0U1ctQ68L3UvjJGOsapr72hsPWrTOqvV-1NRUyxAgqyZ2MdYgG4rC3aB98UVKUNAmm3vtMpv_bVigywoQOr-0aO8kU1NQW0/s1600/adult-art-beauty-848122.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHyWk63Hj7jb7EupQ8fl4UZzQ51g0ItyzOc4IRRVKqYe8VT0U1ctQ68L3UvjJGOsapr72hsPWrTOqvV-1NRUyxAgqyZ2MdYgG4rC3aB98UVKUNAmm3vtMpv_bVigywoQOr-0aO8kU1NQW0/s320/adult-art-beauty-848122.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
I thought that it becomes easier over time.<br />
<br />
That managing will no longer be a problem and forgetting will be the next part of the journey. But it's not.<br />
<br />
No matter where I look or go, the memories of you linger on.<br />
<br />
Acceptance is key, but to which door?<br />
<br />
I have already accepted the fact that you have moved on and left me in my own pool of tears drowning, that I am ready to hate your mere existence and throw away all the things you have left me with. Alas, it's not working. Certainly not every day.<br />
<br />
There's always this last string of hope that pushes me to think that maybe I could do something.<br />
<br />
Maybe there's still a chance.<br />
<br />
Maybe he still loves me.<br />
<br />
Maybe he hasn't forgotten everything.<br />
<br />
Maybe he'll be back.<br />
<br />
Maybe there's room for just one more high.<br />
<br />
I could be killed by these maybes.<br />
<br />
And yet, I let it.Radical Divahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08553883477739206758noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408877055284151077.post-54004097930367375162018-06-14T11:54:00.000-07:002018-07-02T11:21:55.684-07:00The Halo Lifts, The Angel Leaves<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWcYe3YznUu5atNXMVJna0Sea_mmH3YB_o0wCsWrF3lWz6l5-EE8A0M2k5RsUK6laM96MVqGB22PFbcv58K1YbH6VBQwJlZSvyKk0_CFaOrAKqYel5556FSy3O_Flku_n0zri4dYiXwE6n/s1600/angel-art-black-and-white-208001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWcYe3YznUu5atNXMVJna0Sea_mmH3YB_o0wCsWrF3lWz6l5-EE8A0M2k5RsUK6laM96MVqGB22PFbcv58K1YbH6VBQwJlZSvyKk0_CFaOrAKqYel5556FSy3O_Flku_n0zri4dYiXwE6n/s320/angel-art-black-and-white-208001.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
Ever wonder why someone becomes a stranger in an instant?<br />
<br />
You spend endless days with them, treat them as your person, grew fond of them and then suddenly, they become distant, obscure and detached.<br />
<br />
What happened?<br />
<br />
Was it something you said?<br />
<br />
Was it something you did?<br />
<br />
What is this something? The reason behind the falling out?<br />
<br />
Was the purpose finally met? If the purpose was met, why does it feel empty?<br />
<br />
Why does it feel like they took the parts that you miss the most?<br />
<br />
Forgetting is hard. Possible. But oh-so-hard.<br />
<br />
How is it possible that when you finally embraced the role of someone in your life, as if by a diabolical twist of fate, they undeniably become the cruelest person you have ever met?<br />
<br />
The person you thought who would forever be singing praises, is now throwing curses. As if their halo finally lifts, and the angel inhabiting their body finally leaves.<br />
<br />
The hollow shell of a person you once knew finally started walking the earth and he's not looking at you.Radical Divahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08553883477739206758noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408877055284151077.post-66804856192818499462018-06-13T04:20:00.001-07:002018-06-14T11:55:55.681-07:00Going In Circles<div class="MsoNormal">
Not so long ago, I found out that I have lost you.<br />
All it took was five words, "I don't love you anymore."<br />
They hit the spot. So hard.<br />
Almost seven years together.<br />
Two beautiful boys thrust in the middle of this conflict.<br />
You were gone in the middle of the night leaving me torn and confused.<br />
<br />
I tried to figure out when it started. My mind was racing, how could I solve it? Trying to dig further, not leaving any stone unturned for even a small clue of when and how it happened. You didn't give me that closure immediately.<br />
<br />
Instead, you hid behind your lies and attempted to appease my already shattered soul. Another's... He's already another's. It kept coming back. It kept haunting me. It kept lingering on. Until it consumed me.<br />
<br />
Day and night, I thought of how you were around her. I thought of how you made her feel. I thought of how you are fond of her and not me. How you told her everything about us and how it never occurred to you that I needed to know, too. It was OUR problem after all.<br />
<br />
Each thought permeated my being and I let it. For two months, I sat still waiting for your return. Waiting for you to tell me, you were wrong and that you're going to be back for good but it didn't happen. It's like piercing my heart over and over with the dagger you both used behind my back.<br />
<br />
What sucks is that this chapter was not over, and this is because I am still dwelling on the last few pages. Hanging on to every single word, dotting the I's, crossing the T's, carefully rereading each line and drawing on the page, coloring dutifully. In my mind, I am yet to call it off.<br />
<br />
But no.<br />
<br />
The story has already unfolded. The page had to be turned and though it would be hard to leave the characters behind, there is no use in holding on.<br />
<br />
And yet, I fiddled. I thought perhaps the author just used a semicolon and not a period. And then I found myself back in the beginning, reviewing the highlights, reading the romantic parts, and completely ignoring the struggles and conflicts.<br />
<br />
Not sure how long I would go fueling this torture with my own brand of masochism and smearing the blood all over the walls for everyone to see. Maybe until these walls collapse. My carefully built house of cards.<br />
<br />
Tomorrow's a new day. Another chance to be free from this mental prison, a promise of heaven with the taste of hell. But as I try to step forward, I find myself running back to the same direction I came from. Like a dog chasing its own tail, running in circles and acting the fool.</div>
Radical Divahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08553883477739206758noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408877055284151077.post-27681556240292408372011-05-30T02:46:00.000-07:002011-05-30T02:49:07.395-07:00Complicating Heart<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: verdana, helvetica, trebuchet, 'Trebuchet MS', arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 19px;"></span><br />
<pre style="font: 100% verdana, arial, helvetica, tahoma, sans-serif;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-style: italic;">'...This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but a whimper.' </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-style: italic;">- Hollow Men by T. S. Eliot</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">
</span></i></div></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">"What are you afraid of?" he asked. </span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">"There are things that would make humans so afraid to decide and I am no exception...</span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I like </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">you and it's because of that, that I don't wanna be with you."</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Complicated emotions. </span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">We all have them. </span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Always on the verge, wanting to move on but afraid to take the first step towards the goal at hand.</span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Pity.</span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Love is always worth it.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div></div></pre>Radical Divahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08553883477739206758noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408877055284151077.post-33745237299255543832011-04-12T05:05:00.000-07:002011-04-12T07:16:02.416-07:00Porphyria's Lover<div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The rain set early in to-night,</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The sullen wind was soon awake,</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">It tore the elm-tops down for spite,</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And did its worst to vex the lake:</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I listen'd with heart fit to break.</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When glided in Porphyria; straight</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">She shut the cold out and the storm,</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And kneel'd and made the cheerless grate</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Blaze up, and all the cottage warm;</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Which done, she rose, and from her form</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Withdrew the dripping cloak and shawl,</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And laid her soil'd gloves by, untied</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Her hat and let the damp hair fall,</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And, last, she sat down by my side</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And call'd me. When no voice replied,</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">She put my arm about her waist,</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And made her smooth white shoulder bare,</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And all her yellow hair displaced,</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And, stooping, made my cheek lie there,</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And spread, o'er all, her yellow hair,</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Murmuring how she loved me---she</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Too weak, for all her heart's endeavour,</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">To set its struggling passing free</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">From pride, and vainer ties dissever,</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And give herself to me for ever.</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">But passion sometimes would prevail,</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Nor could to-night's gay feast restrain</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">A sudden thought of one so pale</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">For love of her, and all in vain:</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So, she was come through wind and rain</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Be sure I look'd up at her eyes</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Happy and proud; at last I knew</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Porphyria worshipp'd me; surprise</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Made my heart swell, and still it grew</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">While I debated what to do.</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">That moment she was mine, mine, fair,</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Perfectly pure and good; I found</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">A thing to do, and all her hair</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">In one long yellow string I wound</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Three times her little throat around,</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And strangled her. No pain felt she;</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I am quite sure she felt no pain.</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">As a shut bud that holds a bee,</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I warily oped her lids: again</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Laugh'd the blue eyes without a stain</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And I untighten'd next the tress</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">About her neck; her cheek once more</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Blush'd bright beneath my burning kiss:</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I propp'd her head up as before,</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Only, this time my shoulder bore</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Her head, which droops upon it still:</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The smiling rosy little head,</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So glad it has its utmost will,</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">That all it scorn'd at once is fled,</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And I, its love, am gain'd instead!</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Porphyria's love: she guess'd not how</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Her darling one wish would be heard.</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And thus we sit together now,</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And all night long we have not stirr'd,</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And yet God has not said a word!</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">ο»Ώ</span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">----------------</span></div><div align="center"><br />
</div><div align="justify"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">We kill people differently. Sometimes we trample their dreams, ruin their personalities, harm their self-image and although death is something considered to be a crime and thus would have some sort of punishment, the previous ones I have mentioned have a much deeper effect.</span></div><div align="justify"><br />
</div><div align="justify"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I've been killed a lot of times.</span></div><div align="justify"><br />
</div><div align="justify"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I'm still trying to manage how to live.</span></div><div align="justify"><br />
</div><div align="justify"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">The steady beat from the machine might reassure a passerby with regards to my existence.</span></div><div align="justify"><br />
</div><div align="justify"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">A few high pitched beats.</span></div><div align="justify"><br />
</div><div align="justify"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Once or twice awakened and then back to slumber.</span></div><div align="justify"><br />
</div><div align="justify"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Steady. Monotonous. Bam!</span></div><div align="justify"><br />
</div><div align="justify"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">My life. </span></div><div align="justify"><br />
</div><div align="justify"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Wouldn't fit a nutshell.</span></div>Radical Divahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08553883477739206758noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408877055284151077.post-60291785014797002912011-04-06T07:30:00.000-07:002011-04-06T07:30:12.265-07:00Snippets from Sara Bareilles<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I've done a snippets post before and made use of the lyrics of Owl City's songs. This time I am doing a Sara Bareilles post, since her lyrics are so diverse, vivid and is as always what I like, have a room for wonderful interpretation. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Thirty three songs, compressed in a letter.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Here goes nothing.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Once upon a time, in a faraway kingdom, man made up a story said that I should believe him. Go and tell your white knight that he's handsome in hindsight, but I don't want the next best thing.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">He loves with rhythm and paints with flame. He comes in pieces with no name. I won't need answers, I'll just know. Cause I've read the sonnets about his soul. He can be ordinary in the best ways and still dance like a poet through every word he says.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">Inspire me with blood of blue and green. I have hope, inside is not a heart but a kaleidoscope.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">Jump start my kaleidoscope heart, love to watch the colors fade, they may not make sense, but they sure as hell made me.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">Take your best shot. Here I stand, heart in hand and fearless I'm not. But I am what I am and I know what I'm not and I know enough to know it's never gonna be much more than weather.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">I do what I can wherever I end up to keep giving my good love and spread it around. βCause I've had my fair share of take care and goodbyes. I've learned how to cry and I'm better for that.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">Savor the sorrow to soften the pain, sip on the southern rain as I do. I don't look, don't touch, don't do anything, but hope that there is a <strong>you</strong>.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">Here in these deep city lights a girl could get lost tonight. I'm finding every reason to be gone. There's nothing here to hold on to. Could I hold you?</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">What would you do if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and walk out on me? Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song, I will try not to sing out of key.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">Maybe is a vicious little word that can slay me, keep me when I'm hurting and make me hang from your hands.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">Your unexpected love provides my solitary's suicide.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">You were the air in my breath filling up my love soaked lungs, such a beautiful mess intertwined and overrun. Nothing better than this and then the storm can come, you feel just like the sun.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">It isn't something I need 'til you tell me I can't. Why wear my heart on my sleeve when it looks so good in your hand? My heart breaks in a heartbeat and you storm me when you come and go. The taste of something so sweet should have warned me about the undertow.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">You hold me without touch. You keep me without chains. I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your reign.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">You may be my final match 'cause I chase everything when you play throw and I play catch. It never took much to keep me satisfied, but all the bullshit you feed me, you miss me, you need me. This hungry heart will not subside.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">And my heavy heart sinks deep down under you and your twisted words. Your help just hurts.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">I'm used to being one with the misfortune to find. Afternoons run for cover and full moons, just wonder what it looks like here on my morningside. Look back, don't you dare let me start. Do that. I don't care if the things that I have only make me afraid to lose. I need to let go. Need to want to keep letting you know that we both have a reason to follow.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">Leave unsaid unspoken, eyes wide shut, unopened. You and me. Always between the lines.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">Here's a simplification of everything we're going through. You plus me is bad news. But you're a lovely creation and I like to think that I am too. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">All my life I've tried to make everybody happy, while I just hurt and hide, waiting for someone to tell me it's my turn to decide.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">Goodbye, should be saying that to you by now shouldn't I?</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">I wish I was pretty. I wish I was brave.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"></span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">I want to change my mind. I want to be enough.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"></span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">I'm not the kind to try to tell you lies, but the truth is you've been hiding from it too. I see the end sneaking in behind your eyes, saying everything no words could ever do. Does anybody know how to hold my heart? Cause I don't want to let go.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"></span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">Locked and loaded, you're practically floating away now in your fortress. You feel like you're more or less safe now. But let me say, I don't mean harm.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"></span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">Hold me responsible. It's all my fault. I want you to hold me any way you can.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"></span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">Won't somebody come on in and tug at my seams? Oh, send your armies in of robbers and thieves to steal the state I'm in, I don't want it anymore. You're begging for the truth so I'm saying it to you. I've been saving your place and what good does it do? Now I'm just a basket case. </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"></span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">You don't have to fight the bad guys, throwing punches out into the black. If you have to tell me lies, I don't care. Just give me some good back. I won't want to be alone. Sky, don't let the sun go. I'm not ready for the darkness. Swear upon a heartless soul.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"></span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">Careful confessions can't scare you with my crime. I learned my lesson... love you a little at a time.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">Leave my love in a letter went to the best on your side.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">I dive in and I sink in and I find new colors to think in. I'm fading in and out. What are you supposed to do? Save me now from all this danger. You don't know how? And I'll find my way out.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"></span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">I don't care how long it takes, I'm not going anywhere, love. You see there, this distance only makes me say it over and over till it gets to you.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"></span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">The storm is coming soon, it rolls in from the sea. My love, a beacon in the night. My words will be your light, to carry you to me.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"></span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">I used to believe that the storybook's true. Now I don't need it, at least not with you.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"></span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">It's never your fault you can't start your own winning streak, but I'd hate to lose you to the fortune you seek.</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"></span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">You meant to make me happy, make me sad. Want to make it better, better so bad. But save your resolutions for your never new year, there is only one solution I can see here. Love, you're all I ever could need. Only one good thing worth trying to be and it's love. </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"></span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><strong>I do it for love.</strong></span></span></span></div>Radical Divahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08553883477739206758noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408877055284151077.post-79803530770149350432011-04-05T04:33:00.000-07:002011-04-05T04:39:27.787-07:00April Fooled You<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I got this message on April 1st as I was sifting through my mail: </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Happy April Fools' Day. These 5 people:</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">*are good matches with you.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">*are all probably the kind of person you'd grow to hate after a while</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Think of them as great divorce material.</span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">It <em>was</em> April Fool's Day, I so know. I didn't try to take any action made by people that day seriously, specially since most of them would play on their relationship statuses. I posted a status message on Facebook claiming I am pregnant, but no one bought it and I saw my aunt as one of the people who <em>liked </em>it (pfft! so much for a joke). </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Later that night on the way out of the office, I got on the elevator with one of our managers and he just commented something like, </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"That was a banging April Fools joke you did earlier" while grinning.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"You think? Well nobody bought it really." I shrugged.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"Well because we know you're not the promiscuous type anyway." he said matter-of-factly.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I laughed. I don't know if that's part of his April Fools' joke and he just pulled a fast one on me, but man it made my day. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">It was a Friday too, meaning I <strong>ought</strong> to be out partying and stuff, but I found myself bidding my bestfriend goodbye and a wishing her luck (for her date, AJA!) since the guy agreed to meet him in front of a church down south, she was anticipating some sort of surprise, but I think it's not much of a big deal, still I'm the supportive bestfriend so I made a face and told her she's gonna be alright. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I got so used to having her around, an 'us' sort of thing, so with things picking up for her I have to take a back seat and let her do her stuff.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I went out to meet someone anyway, after much coaxing (just saying, I was actually in an argument with myself. haha) and we ended up roadtripping to Tagaytay, but the thing is we never arrived to our destination, we got lost somewhere and just decided to drive back to Manila, with our bag of groceries, half a bottle of Jose Cuervo (which we didn't really drink much, but was spilled all over the car!) and Mc Donald's take out.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I am used to being in the passenger seat, I have claimed that spot for 5 years. It's a weird feeling. I am just existing but I wasn't connecting or saying much. It was much like how it happened before and I got my head around it, decided to leave things as they were. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">As soon as I reached home minor headaches are starting to occur, but I haven't really had a hangover ever (because I don't drink much anyway). But I was in some sort of reverie, maybe I am just trying to sublimate, because I have to adjust and give people the space they need in order for them to grow and to achieve a certain level of fulfillment.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">At the back of my mind I am worried. I have four bestfriends. A girl, a guy, a gay and a lesbian bestfriend, I've got the best of all worlds (grin), but I want them around more and it's sometimes selfish.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">My gay bestfriend was basically with me since he was born, I am like his older sister and his mother is my Godmother, but I don't have anything to do with him being gay as far as I know coz I am pretty boyish while he forever tries to curl my hair and change my do.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">My girl bestfriend I met since I was in college, we didn't really hit it off that much until we matured and we started understanding each other. There's a certain level of agreement and an unwritten form of love and acceptance in the communication we share.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">My guy bestfriend I met around 6 years ago. He's everything a guy can be and yet he has been caring and sensitive. He was also the one who accompanied me through some major milestones while I was pregnant, he would accompany me to check ups so that I won't suffer much of the insults from discriminating people, but we started to drift because of irregularities in schedules and life in general. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">My lesbian bestfriend I met around 3 years ago, she has helped me deal with a lot of stuff and is always on the call. We shared a lot of things together while working with each other.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">With bestfriends, you don't really need to be around them a lot to know that they care or to validate that you matter to them, it just happens when you meet, a lot has changed but you don't have to stress on it because you would be so busy babbling about a lot of things, catching up and feel like you were just together yesterday.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I can easily make friends with people. I think. There's this unusual level of trust given to me at certain points at which I don't know if I am really ready to have but they give it willingly so I have nothing to do but to try my best to take care of it. It's really nice when you think about it.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I love them so much, sometimes I get so overprotective. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I remember the instance last week when my girl bestfriend went out with a guy and I was the third wheel. I talked to him when she was in the restroom and it was a sort of an agreement you make with a brother (she doesn't have a brother, so I took over). When she arrived I was on the part of letting him know that even if I am not so menacing I can still kick serious ass, so he shouldn't dare hurt her OR ELSE! Fair warning right?</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">He seemed like a nice guy really and I can see that she's really happy, so I am crossing my fingers and wishing that this is something that hopefully lasts. Everybody seemed to be in the business of falling in love these days (teehee). Lately we haven't been really together although we're on the same building and roughly the same shift. My mom says it's weird that we even text each other that we miss each other. (oh well, we're not normal anyway)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">So for me, since my accomplice isn't gonna be going out much because of certain developments in her life, I would probably lie low. In 3 months I have gone out more than I did in like two years combined (2009 and 2010). It has been fun-filled, interesting and most of all, totally unforgettable.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">There's always a sort of thrill and excitement when you step over lines and cross boundaries. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I'm fine for now. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I got my fix. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Back to the bat cave.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I don't have any idea what the future holds, it's better that way. I love surprises anyway.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I think you have a rough idea that I'm not gonna be stuck. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I would still take risks from time to time. It's inevitable.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">The blanket of security seems promising, but not for me.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I'm still in love.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">It's the most wonderful thing!</span></div>Radical Divahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08553883477739206758noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408877055284151077.post-19537477517834258282011-04-01T10:14:00.000-07:002011-04-01T10:14:43.811-07:00How to be Alone<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/k7X7sZzSXYs?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">By Tanya Davis</span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">If you are at first lonely, b</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">e patient. </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">If you've not been alone much, or if when you were, </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">and you weren't okay with it, </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">then just wait. </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">You'll find it's fine to be alone once you're embracing it.</span></div><br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">We could start with the acceptable places, </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">the bathroom, the coffee shop, the library. </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Where you can stall and read the paper, where</span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"> you can get your caffeine fix and sit and stay there. W</span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">here you can browse the stacks and smell the books. Y</span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">ou're not supposed to talk much anyway so it's safe there.</span></div><br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">There's also the gym. If you're shy </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">you can hang out with yourself in mirrors, </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">you could put headphones in.</span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">And there's public transportation, </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">because we all gotta go places.</span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">And there's prayer and meditation. N</span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">o one will think less if you're hanging out with your breath </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">seeking peace and salvation.</span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Start simple. </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Things you may have previously avoided </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">based on your <em>avoid being alone</em> principals.</span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">The lunch counter. Where you will be surrounded by chow-downers.</span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Employees who only have an hour and their spouses work across town and so they -- </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">like you -- will be alone.</span></div><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Resist the urge to hang out with your cell phone.</span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">When you are comfortable with eat, lunch and run, </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">take yourself out for dinner. A</span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"> restaurant with linen and silver ware. </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">You're no less intriguing a person when you're eating solo dessert to</span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"> cleaning the whip cream from the dish with your finger. </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">In fact, some people at full tables will wish they were where you were.</span></div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Go to the movies. Where it's dark and soothing. A</span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">lone in your seat amidst the fleeting community.</span></div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">And then, take yourself out dancing to a club where no one knows you. S</span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">tand on the outside of the floor till the lights convince you more and more </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">and the music shows you. </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Dance like no one's watching... </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">because they're probably not. A</span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">nd, if they are, assume with it is best of human intentions. T</span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">he way bodies move genuinely to beats is, after all, gorgeous and affecting. D</span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">ance until you're sweating, and beads of perspiration remind you of life's best things, d</span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">own your back like a brook of blessings.</span></div><br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Go to the woods alone, and the trees and squirrels will watch for you. </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Go to an unfamiliar city, r</span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">oam the streets, t</span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">here're always statues to talk to and benches made for sitting </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">give strangers a shared existence if only for a minute a</span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">nd these moments can be so uplifting </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">and the conversations you get in by sitting alone on benches </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">might've never happened, had you not been there by yourself.</span></div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"><strong>Society is afraid of alonedome, </strong></span><strong><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">like lonely hearts are wasting away in basements, </span></strong><strong><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">like people must have problems, if, after awhile, nobody is dating them. </span></strong><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"><em>But lonely is freedom that breathes easy and weightless </em></span><em><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">and lonely is healing <strong>i</strong></span></em><em><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"><strong>f you make it.</strong></span></em></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">You can stand, swathed by groups and mobs </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">or hold hands with your partner, </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">look both further and farther in the <em>endless quest for company</em>. </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">But no one's in your head and by the time you translate your thoughts, </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">some essence of them may be lost or perhaps, it is just kept.</span></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"><em>Perhaps in the interest of loving oneself, </em>p</span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">erhaps all those sappy slogans from preschool over to high school's groaning </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">were tokens for <em>holding the lonely at bay. </em></span><strong><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Cuz if you're happy in your head </span></strong><strong><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">then solitude is blessed and <em>alone is okay.</em></span></strong></div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"><em><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">It's okay if no one believes like you.</span></em><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">All experience is unique, </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">no one has the same synapses, can't think like you, </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">for this be relieved, k</span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">eeps things interesting, life's magic things in reach.</span></div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">And it doesn't mean you're not connected, that community is not present, j</span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">ust take the perspective you get from being one person </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">in one head and feel the effects of it. T</span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">ake silence and respect it. I</span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">f you have an art that needs a practice, </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">stop neglecting it. </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">If your family doesn't get you, </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">or a religious sect is not meant for you, </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">don't obsess about it.</span></div><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">You could be in an instant, surrounded <em>if you needed it. </em></span><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">If your heart is bleeding make the best of it.</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">There is heat in freezing, b</span></strong><strong><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"><em>e a testament.</em></span></strong><br />
<div align="justify"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><strong><em><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">=====</span></em></strong></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I like the video since I saw it and I like listening to her soothing voice. It might sound like a justification to us all, but for her it's much more. An attempt to give meaning and to conquer her demons. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">In a way, it gives you an idea of how someone tries their best to combat unhappiness (or so they think), the definition is dictated which most of the time is not exactly what people have in mind. Being 'alone' is sometimes synonymous to 'unhappiness' but it wasn't always the case. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Man is a social animal. He thrives in groups, in cliques, in societies, there's this incessant need to belong, to prove that you matter and to know that you exist. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I know. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I still do. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Experiencing things firsthand has always been a good way to learn, you just don't appreciate it right away, coz at the time you thought you failed. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">On a different note:</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*I am renewing my vow </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*I wanna be rainbow colored by June. Hair, please grow longer faster. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*I am eager to watch the last installment of Harry Potter.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*I don't know if I want it soon really, it's like ending my teenhood? (haha)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*I need to find myself a hard bound copy of the 6th book too.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*I <em>should</em> make time for my closet. (drats!)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*I like the pink rose stud earrings someone gave me. *twinkling eyes*</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*I realize I've been asked out a lot since I got my hair straightened. (whoa!)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*On that note, I am confused if I like it or not.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*I want to go to a concert.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*I want to go to a ball game just so I can scream.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*I had to spend my life savings to save someone's life. (worth it)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*I'm going back to the start. (which is hard, but welcomed)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*Being organized is not my cup of tea.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*Cooking is still something dreadful. (I'm learning)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*I don't have much use of my phone, until recently. (it rings! haha)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*I used to not care about fashion, but now it's embracing me. (still don't care. LOL)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*Nightmares are inevitable.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*I still wake up crying from them.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*No one's gonna wake me up so I had to.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*And it's a good thing I had the walls of my room destroyed.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*I can see my Mom and my brother from my bed and it makes me calm down.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*Privacy wasn't something I really care about much. (now)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*I realized I am now making my bed. (Mom is pleased)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*I know how to make my bed, but I just choose not to.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*Going home to a neatly made up bed made me feel so alone. (for a very long time)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*Some jokes are corny, some just hurt.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*I'm scared even of toy snakes. (I cried)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*I get scared when things get out of hand.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*Winning doesn't always feel good.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*I lost almost 5 kilos already. (Yay! or Nay!)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*Some people think my books are serving as a neat cover up.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*Sometimes they are, but I don't really escape.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*I miss being tickled. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*Hugs are far more intimate than kisses or sex.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*Even just 5 minutes of unadulterated attention given to someone is a good gift.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*The more I practice writing the more horrible my handwriting becomes. (haha)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*I wanna go cloud watching.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*Time stands still when you're looking at a broken clock. (wicked!)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*I wanna do some fast forwards and a few rewinds.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*Listening to music, reading and writing at the same time is not working for me.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*Mangoes are in season. (Yum!)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*I consumed a whole lot of juice this week. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*Someone told me my skin is so smooth and supple. (I touched hers too!)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*I am loving red lipsticks. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*Shaving is dictated by the clothes you wear. (if you're a girl)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*I need to shave. (tsk tsk)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*I don't like shaving. (ho hum)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*Off shoulder dresses and shirts are good for me. (my shoulders are fine. I was told)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*James Durbin reminds me of Adam Lambert (with the Tourette's and all)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*Your Song is a song for someone, but I always feel it's for me. (sigh)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*People tend to sing when I tell them my name. (Cherie Amour and Cherry Cherry lady)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*It always amuses me. *grin*</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*I still have to have my name corrected. (ugh)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*I do want to go out of the country.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*I still don't know why I am not even trying to get a passport. (dumb)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*In the years I existed, this year has been the most interesting by far.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*I'm 27.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*'Me a rare villain, a shy?' is a phrase I came up with using the letters of my name. (sounds hill billy I know ~_^)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*I've already went too far from the topic I originally presented (ADD tendencies ^_^)</span></div>Radical Divahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08553883477739206758noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408877055284151077.post-46826393003405832432011-03-28T06:09:00.000-07:002011-03-29T09:32:18.536-07:00Ambivalence<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">"There's only NOW. There's only HERE.</span> </div><div align="center" style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Give in to LOVE, or live in FEAR.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">No other path, no other way.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">NO DAY BUT TODAY" </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">- Rent</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The cool breeze of the wind slightly brushed my cheeks, I've been waiting for a couple of minutes now at the spot we agreed to meet. He's a perennial late comer but instead of bringing this up to him, I couldn't utter a single word as his presence overpowers me every time. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I wonder what his next excuse would be or if he would even bother making one, I'm sure he knows I'm here already, eager and waiting for him to come. I should've known it is going to be this way, since I was the one who confessed my true emotions and risked everything to just have the chance to be with him. I'm with him now. Am I happy?</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">The thought lingered for a bit, I love saying his name. The way it escapes my breath and the taste of his lovely lips against mine. It's got to be today, there's no other day, I said to myself.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I've always had this belief that if I had to think twice in making a decision I would probably not gonna end up doing it, until I was faced with much more difficult choices and far more complicated ones that thinking twice (or probably a lot more than that) can be good. It's not, it shouldn't be.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">The moon is in its full bloom, I feel that I can trace the beams it emits and bathe in its glory. How can you be like that, Glorious Moon? Why did you choose to show your beauty tonight when I am about to fall into this heap of madness? </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Sitting by myself in a park bench while there are probably a lot of places I can be is not very appealing not even to the other people who seemed to be already lost in lovers' lane. Why do we have to meet here anyway? More importantly, why did I agree? </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I checked my phone and saw a few messages, maybe one is his I thought. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">It's not.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I decided to send him another message, I typed: "I am here already, where are you? Are you coming? I'm leaving in 10 minutes if you're still not here." Sent.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">My phone rang. It's him.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"Hey"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "I won't be able to make it in 10 minutes. I'm on my way."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"Okay"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "Is there something wrong?"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"We need to talk"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "Hmm. I'll be there, please wait."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"Okay, we need to talk tonight. I will be here, just try to hurry before the mosquitoes finish me off."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "Haha. Funny. I'll see you in a while."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"Hurry. Bye."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">A few minutes passed by and a car parked in front of me.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "Let's go!"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I didn't say a word as I got inside the car. He drove up a few miles from there and we stopped in front of his apartment. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "What's wrong?"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"We need to talk"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "Can it wait until we're inside?"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">He went out of the car and got his keys.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "Lock it when you go out"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I stepped out of the vehicle and exhaled. I am trembling as I walked to his front door which he left open. He went straight to the kitchen it seems, I sat in the sofa, I still don't feel quite comfortable but I managed to stop trembling at least. He emerged from the kitchen carrying a bottle of beer.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "Want anything honey?"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"Water will be fine, thanks."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "Hmm.. why are you so formal? You are weird."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"Come closer, I don't want to go shouting all night."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "Coming!"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">He sat right beside me on the sofa, I can smell his manly scent this close and see the man I have always loved, who never noticed my existence until I comforted him during the time he thought everyone left him and was so depressed, now he's back up and I am happy that he is, I just felt things have changed.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "So?" he grinned.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">He held my hands and looked at me.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"I don't know how to say this..." I started.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "Is there something wrong?"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"Sweetie, I think it's something I did" I muttered guiltily.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "What is it? Is there someone else? Did you do something? Tell me!" he said hastily.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"No, there's no someone else and I didn't exactly do anything... it's just..."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "Just what?" </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">His grip is slowly tightening and I can see my arms slowly turning from red to purple. I loosened it a bit and held his hands and returned his seemingly lost gaze.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"I am not happy..."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "Not happy? Did I do anything wrong? I know I have been so egotistic and I may not have been the best boyfriend you can have but I am doing my best, is it because I don't have time for you lately? Don't do this to me, I need you, you know I need you... please don't"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I gently pressed his hands and started massaging them, I can feel them turning cold and tense while I can feel my self slowly relaxing, "Here we go again" I thought. I am again comforting him and falling into the trap of his neediness.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"Dear...?"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I moved my right hand to touch his face which looked devastated, I made him look at me as if telling him to try his best to understand what I am about to say. He's silent and waiting, while tensed but I think this is the best time for me to do this, it has to be tonight.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"Dear, I know what I'm about to say would be tough to handle or understand as of now, but I want you to promise me that you are not in anyway gonna do something stupid that would probably hurt yourself or me. Can you do that?"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">He nodded, although I know it's just an automatic response, I continued.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"Okay" I sighed exasperatedly.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"I want you to know that I truly and honestly love you and would always will. In fact you are the ONLY man I have ever loved this much by far."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "If that's how you feel then why are we having this conversation? Tell me it's gonna be okay please? It's gonna be okay right?" he muttered.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"Take it easy and try not to overreact dear. I am not happy with the way things are going, I am not myself anymore and it's not gonna be healthy for our relationship if I continue and just deteriorate over time. I just need ample time to get things together. I hope you understand."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "I am not getting any of these... Why are you not happy? You still didn't answer the question. Are you leaving me... for good?"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"Do you love me?" I asked.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "Of course. Yes. Definitely. I love you! I need you in my life. What's the matter with you?"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"Do you need me because you love me or do you love me because you NEED me?"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Silence.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"It's a tough question right?"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">He was still and unable to look into my eyes.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"I don't want this whole thing to blow over. Look. I love you. I really really do. But I don't want to be someone you are with because you need me. I will always be here for you no matter what but I feel you and I need some space between us to think about 'US'. It pains me to say these things, but I had to, we're absolutely going nowhere and I feel trapped..."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "I am so confused... I'm sorry. I don't know what to say..."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"You don't have to say anything, it's tough for you too, but I totally understand... I love you enough to let you go. I promise I'll always be here for you, you don't have to feel that we have to be together, we don't have to... And I need to love myself more, I love you more than I love myself and I am doing all of this to me now... you see?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I am not saying I am right and you are wrong... but I don't want us to get to the point of hurting each other. I jumped in too soon and might've taken advantage of you at your weakest and now you are slowly taking over me, I need to get myself together... it's the only real thing I have."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "You have ME."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I feel my heart pounding, his words are definitely something I don't want to hear right now. I have made my decision and I have to stand by it no matter what he says.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "You have ME. I love you. It's also true that I NEED you, but I somehow cannot seem to quantify anything as of this moment, all I know is I don't want you to leave me. I know it sounded selfish but I do. I AM. I am a big complicated mess but this complicated mess becomes something when I'm with you... This egotistic depressed idiot wants to spend his life with you, only WITH you.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">You said you LOVE me enough to let me go? I am not willing to go that way... not yet.. not ever."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"But..."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "But what? Tell me straight... in my face! Tell me that you want to leave... tell me that you want to be alone! Tell me that you don't need me as much as I NEED you! And I'm gonna tell you, how a bad liar you are! Come on! I DARE you!"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"We're not seeing eye to eye. You need to calm down, this is not easy for me... And YES, all you said were true.."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "Then please... please give me the chance to make it up to you. You only made these known to me today, you have been silent... I thought we were okay, I thought everything's fine. We're in this together. Don't do this yourself. I love you and I am not letting go. I'm not giving up just yet, I know how much I love you. I may have failed in showing you that, in some aspects but I am loving you the best way I know how to... it's never easy... nothing is... but you are very important to me and I don't want to lose you now.. not ever... unless the day comes that you don't love me anymore."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I fell silent. This is not what I have planned and it's getting out of my control. Was I the one who overreacted? Ugh.. my mind is not processing these thoughts clearly. It's all becoming hazy and unclear. I eased up a bit and fell backwards unceremoniously.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "You love me?"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I sighed.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "You love me." he smiled faintly.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"It hasn't been easy loving you, but I do."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "I love you... so much and try not to doubt that even for one second please."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"You are the only person who have all the capacity to hurt me."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "But you're still here."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"Yes. You drive me crazy, up these walls and yet if given a chance I would still do it over again. I am failing miserably."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "I'll give you the space you need and all the time you need to 'get things together'. This time I'll be here for you...</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">But... I'm warning you. You haven't gotten rid of me okay? You're stuck with me for as long as I live... I promise you that."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I nodded.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "Cheer up. I don't understand anything, but I will try... you deserve so much more, I know that. But I am willing to toil to make you happy, I am not going to argue with you this time, it would be pointless... but I am always here."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">He hugged me, real tight. I can feel my bones shaking a bit and for a second I thought my lungs are going to give in, but it didn't. It's got to be today. Yes. It happened today. I knew he loved me. He loves me. I smiled.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "I can't believe how hard headed you are. And I didn't know how clever you can be, I know you are smiling and don't dare hide this from me."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I bit my lip. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "You scared me, I can't believe I fell for that one. Naughty girl. I will make you pay!"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"Don't burst my bubble just yet mister! All the things I told you are true, but I never imagined it to happen like this, you and your puppy-dog-eye technique!"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "You know, I don't want this to ever happen again between us. I know you have made a lot of adjustments for me and I have been a big baby and an even bigger headache and I still am and will be I think..."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I raised an eyebrow.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "I'm just being honest... wait, look, err. I can't promise you anything, not even a smooth and happy relationship, I won't be able to give you a life like that of the stories we read together."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"The ones I force you to read to me. Yeah. I know."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "No dear, hold on. I know how much you love to be read to, I can see how your eye twinkles every time I pick up the book you like and read it to you before we sleep or whenever we can, that even if I am trying to be manly I let you get away with that, because it's something I do for you, and it makes me happy that for some moments I can make you happy."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"I'm sorry for making you do that. But my eyes twinkle and you notice?" batting my eyelashes.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "Yeah. It works you know. I love the feeling you make me feel. You make me feel needed too, like I am someone important and that I actually matter, even if I know how strong and able you are in continuing with your life and I am the one who needs you more."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"I have always liked to be read to, but not like a kid though. You know why I love it?"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "Why?" His arms are now circling around me and my head is now resting on his chest and I can hear his heart beat.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"It might be childish but... it's because I feel safe when I hear your voice, but every time you speak to me, it's like you are commanding and you are not you, but when you read to me, you become something else, more vulnerable but still enigmatic. You become you. And it's so strange, like... like... like I'm always in a trance and feeling your body vibrate and the emotions you invoke are far more revealing than when you speak..."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "You are a real weird girl, you know that?"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"Mmhmm"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "That's what makes you so special and I hate myself that I almost lost you."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I just sat there stunned. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "Perhaps love is the process of my leading you back to yourself."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I looked up surprised with what I heard.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "Did I get it right?"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"You remembered. Wind, Sand and Stars." I muttered astonishingly.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "Don't get so teary eyed on me dear, I know you like them and I am not putting up with them, sometimes I just like it when you push me to do it, so it means so much more. I guess we both need to work on having our ways, you think?" he said grinning.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"I almost shooed you away. And everything has been a total misunderstanding."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "You won't be able to tell someone off that easily dear, especially someone who cares about you. It's just not the way it's supposed to happen, we have differences, major ones. We can go MENTAL, on each other, but it's part of the process and we're learning."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"So you think I am going MENTAL on you?"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "Umm... we just patched things up, go easy on the mental thing okay?" </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"Nah. I'm still stuck with the phrase you just quoted."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "Antoine de Saint-Exupery, but it wasn't from that book... Leo Buscaglia quoted it in one of his, one of his books you love, there's one more I remembered exactly from him..."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"What?"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "I love you with all your hang ups too." he winked.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"How come we have to wait for these moments to do these stuff?" I am close to tears.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "I think I need to be shaken up sometimes, or WE need to be shaken up, we became so complacent at least I know I have been, coz I know you'll always be there and I trust that you love me so much."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"Men, resting with their laurels"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "There goes my feminist sweetheart. I love you!"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"You promised to give me space... uh uh uh... not too close." I laughed.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "Did I? I forgot. And this space, did I tell you how much space I will be giving you?"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"Hmmm... not really, why? Are you taking it back?" I said testily.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "Is that a trick question?"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"No silly. We can still have space, like time outs and stuff but tonight I don't think I want that... not with you quoting the way you just did... that is just sooooo sexy."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "Me and my brilliance in trouble." </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"Uh huh. You still have 'Water for Elephants' right?"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "I knew it would come to that! HAH!"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"We're gonna do this differently tonight." I bit my lip and winked.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">- "Not complaining dear... never."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">At that moment we both laughed. We both got what we wanted and we wanted to be with each other. True enough there are tons of bickerings that might follow and a whole lot of disappointments perhaps. The union of two imperfect souls who chose to love each others' imperfections is a majestic craft only few would understand and conquer.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">They do. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Love?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">It's everything everybody is aiming for, but seldom would they give it freely, unabashedly. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">"The best part of being in love is when you just love a person and be happy about it even if we know that it cannot last forever. That is the true essence of love. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">It's NOT about WINNING someone.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">It's NOT about OWNING a relationship.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">It's just about being happy because you know you have loved someone.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">It's about being guiltless because you know you did not take away anyone from anybody.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">You just love and loved unselfishly."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Note: This piece is purely fiction any similarities to actual events or people are not intended by the author. </span></div>Radical Divahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08553883477739206758noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408877055284151077.post-26703180186617393022011-03-25T10:01:00.000-07:002011-03-25T10:01:33.436-07:00Submission<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">There's more to the affinity with rules</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">There's constancy,</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">but boredom is not so far behind.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">There's order,</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"> yet the need for chaos surfaces</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">slowly, almost incredibly baffling.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">'Follow and you will be rewarded'</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">so I was told.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">But the reward is not what I have hoped</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">flashes of a promising life,</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">then I covered both eyes</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">and blurred the vision of incredulous lies.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">The unknown is captivating,</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">to delve in realms of adventure and peril,</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">twisting, turning, falling, feeling.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Until you break an ankle and bruise your ego</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">'enough damage to alter reality'</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">some wise man said so.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Talk about my lost sense of inertia,</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">resting numbly under the comforts of challenging pursuits.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Day to day battles,</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">elaborate plans of future conquests</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">delicately covers the hollowness of a soul,</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">a soul searching, a soul unwanted.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Question, try it without reason,</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">and answers stare blankly with no direction.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">The man exists</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">as it is, never becoming, </span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">just being.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Amiable destruction awaits</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">step closer and your match is made.</span></div>Radical Divahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08553883477739206758noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408877055284151077.post-22217477882733088862011-03-22T09:54:00.000-07:002011-03-22T09:54:59.801-07:00Wonderful Insanity<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I'm NOT normal.</span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I am not even remotely kidding when I said that. It's gonna be so odd, but if you probably took the time to read some of my posts you would probably have a slight idea how I define normality and rebel against it in certain ways (probably not so obvious, but my inner radical continues to reinforce and reaffirm).</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I am different, but at times I like blending in, it's a need and also a talent slowly harnessed over time. I am happiest during the times I am insane. Normality drives me up the walls, but it gives me ample time to pull back and recover. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Yesterday, I was feeling mediocre. I am not depressed, I guess when people confide to me I get involved in it so much that I get to somehow feel their pain too. I just need some sort of break, any break would do.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">We were about to go home and end the routine that the boring day brought but my bestfriend insisted on going to our 'sanctuary'. A lot of things come up during our stays in our 'sanctuay', even if it's always full of random people, who are sometimes eavesdropping with our probably jaw-drop-inducing conversations *grin*. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Almost 12 years of knowing each other, we still discover something new. We're on the topic of quirks and she termed my confessions as extreme quirks (evil girl you!). We talked for five hours and we didn't realize it was THAT long until we saw the dawn almost breaking (ugh!). </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">It's good to be different, it's great when you are accepted despite your weirdness. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">My relationship with my bestfriend has so far been the longest I was able to keep, there's just one thing I realize about it... that every time we commit mistakes or piss each other off (I'm a perennial late comer, she always gets pissed about that LOL) we are always reminded that it is a temporary lapse and it's not gonna affect us unless we prolong it, so in essence we drive each other insane. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">That being said I am trying to have a rundown of things that keeps me sane by making me insane (in no particular order) apart from my bestfriend and my little feisty tyke:</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*Multicolored Cotton Candy</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*Swings</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*Wonka's Gobstoppers</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*Crispy Fried Chicken</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*Rollerblades</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*Double Dutch Ice Cream (or any ice cream LOL)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*Demitri Martin's thought provoking sketches</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*Music (especially my ultimate pick me up song Everafter)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*The search for the elusive Ruby Red Shoes (fine. shoes in general.)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*Books</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*SALE</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*Dresses (especially with flowy skirts *wink*</span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*Text Twist (I should get a life. LOL)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*Pillows (the more the merrier! yay!)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*Mirrors</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*Cheesecake (!)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*Dance Floor</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*Mojito </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*CBD's shake and bake</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*peanut butter </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*15 letter sentences/phrases</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*palindromes (that actually make sense)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*color contrasts that work</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*eccentric people</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*seeing how models breakdown on national television (hilarious)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*mass medias attempt at so called 'reality'</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*the moon, stars and other 'heavenly' bodies (when I look at them, I go into a trance)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*latest science breakthroughs (<a href="http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2010/12/top-scientific-discoveries#">2010 Breakthroughs</a>)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*Mythbusters!</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*Matthew Gray Gubler (especially his recording of <a href="http://www.matthewgraygubler.com/webpage/"> Anabel Lee</a>, which I listen to when I am unable to sleep)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*the color pink</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*fluffy stuff</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*LACE</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*Lingerie (love!)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*beaches</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*chocolates</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*interesting stories (written or told)</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I could probably have a whole lot more of stuff but I think the list would be this for now. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I'm ending this post with a quote from the wonderful Jean Dubuffet, who I believed have described my insanity the best. </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">"For me, insanity is super sanity. The normal is psychotic. Normal means lack of imagination, lack of creativity." RIGHT ON!</span></div>Radical Divahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08553883477739206758noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408877055284151077.post-49136181695921753352011-03-18T09:28:00.000-07:002011-03-18T09:28:54.669-07:00But I AM Present<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Leo Buscaglia is one of the authors I admire the most, he's not creating novels to reflect upon, he just merely exhausted his lifetime on trying to open people's minds into what I like to call 'How to be' and did his best to let people know the beauty of living the REAL life. He doesn't exactly have the happy endings or best of times to boot, but I can really find depth into the simple words he scribbled and the experiences he shared whether it be about life, love, education or simply being or becoming.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">In one of his books I came across a poem from a girl who committed suicide when she was 20 years old, her name is Michelle and this is because she felt the people around her doesn't value her as her, but rather they all want her to be someone... someone she found so hard to identify with. She died in 1967 and she wrote 25 poems, a little book that was published to probably create an awareness for us on how we should treat the people around us, specially those who try their best to be what we want them to be.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I Am Neither A Sacrilege Or A Privilege. I May Not Be Competent or Excellent, But I Am Present.</span></div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">By -Michelle</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">My happiness is me, not you.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Not only because you may be temporary,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">But also because you want me to be what I am not.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I cannot be happy when I change</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Merely to satisfy your selfishness.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Nor can I feel content when you criticise me</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">for not thinking your thoughts,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Or for seeing like you do.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">You call me a rebel.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And yet each time I have rejected your beliefs</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">You have rebelled against mine.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I do not try to mold your mind.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I know you are trying hard enough to be just you.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And I cannot allow you to tell me what to be-</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">for I am concentrating on being me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">You said that I was transparent</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And easily forgotten.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">But why then did you try to use my lifetime,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">To prove to yourself who you are?</span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">For me, I think love is not about potentiality, like thinking of how fine a person they can be in the long run although at some point we may be lead to believe in that way. Love is about accepting a person for what they already are, slowly discovering each other and growing together, changing hand in hand, adjusting and compromising. It's not falling for the idea of a person or love. There's just no buts, ifs or maybes that should be present. It's about someone affecting you in such a way that you can live without them, but you would be too encompassed in their being that you would choose not to.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">When you expose yourself to someone, you risk the chance for that someone to cause you pain and suffering. </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">But you do.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">WE all do.</span></div>Radical Divahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08553883477739206758noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408877055284151077.post-82453123796782387122011-03-18T03:05:00.000-07:002011-03-18T03:22:46.569-07:00Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">It's Friday once more. Yay!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I surely feel like a kid waiting for the weekend. Which kinda reminds me of my childhood.</span><br />
<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">*sigh*</span><br />
<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">If there's one word that would describe my childhood it would probably be... 'supercalifragilisticexpialidocious' (i love saying that word ^_^), it wasn't perfect but I loved it. Perhaps you might think that I'm like super old to be writing about my childhood, maybe... maybe not. I still enjoy play and I am still a kid most of the time (acting out hehe). Why did I came up with this topic hmmm?</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I think the other day one of my good friends and I were online chatting, we were talking about a lot of stuff and was having a discussion on something (which I already forgot), he managed to turn the conversation into a sort of debate and then he had to back up a bit coz he's getting frustrated about an online game he's been trying (LOL). I think that's how we got started on talking about 'our' own childhood.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I'm gonna try my best to give you an idea about my childhood.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Here goes:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I am an 80's kid, 1983 to be exact (yeah counting now are you? *grin*) the year when President Marcos' Martial Law is slowly losing its power over the Philippines (I'm just saying this for artistic purposes... hehe) anyway, not every one would know I am the first female grandchild and that being said it already meant how much importance I was given from the day I was born. They even took their time to name me. My mom came up with my second name, an aunt wanted an additional vowel in it, another aunt gave me my first name with a few additional letters and finally my dad came up with the brilliant reason for naming me such because he likes that strong southern Spain wine made of white grapes (you might probably figure out my first name, given that hint).</span> </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span> </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I have more than 10 older male cousins growing up who served as my playmates (awesome!) and bodyguards (bummer!). </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Because of them I never got to like playing with dolls, play houses and other girly games, instead I learned how to play like most of the street children, I am always the only girl amidst the crowd of sweaty testosterone filled boys, there were moments when people would see me in the streets roaming with them and we have these pockets we fill with candy wrappers which we will use as cash to bet on our bottle crown game (the rarer the candy wrapper, the higher the value). </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">There's also a gravel and sand company near our house, we get to go there after school, me and my brother would most of the time try to find the smoothest stone that we can use to hit each other's rock, it's a silly game but we played it with a few other kids in the neighborhood. You might think it's mighty fine to be the only girl in the group but I get some moments when I am unable to run as fast as they can so when we play tag I end up the "loser" who would have to go after them all the time or they would try their best to make me cry with the silliest taunts and of course I will cry (damn it!). Other times I would sit and bow my head and "pretend" I am crying so that I get off the losing end and somebody would come to me and get to be the 'it'. It works, sometimes... or most of the time :P</span><br />
<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">And although I play with boys majority, it still doesn't mean that I can do everything they do. There's this game that I failed miserably even if they give me tons of consideration... sometimes they don't even count me in the team most of my cousins would be in and that is 'follow the leader'. In this game, you must do everything (and I mean everything) the leader does. And most of the time the more crazier the leader becomes, the harder the deed they will do and I am not exactly a gymnast to do them so I never bothered to be in it most of the time because one of my older cousins got his arm broken because of it (ouch!).</span><br />
<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Another thing I miss about being a kid is Christmas caroling! Why? Because I'm the star! (ahem! LOL) I've always been the hyperactive-attention-seeker-overachiever kid so I get to impress more people during the holidays. I am usually with my older cousins or other kids in the neighborhood, sometimes I would write cards, wear costumes and bring instruments to get the most from the neighbors (real smart ei? LOL). We hammer bottle crowns and create certain instruments, it was fun, easy money too!</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I've been to a lot of fights, sometimes I'm the one who challenges the would be opponents coz I know 10 of my older male cousins would be at my back (hah!), they taught me how to ride the bicycle (the reason for most of my leg scars). When I was starting, I used to be the person always riding with somebody and there was this one time my left foot was caught inside the wheel that they had to cut the spokes to get my foot out, I was crying so hard so they had to let me ride on my own. But it wasn't really easy too, I got into a LOT of accidents while learning it, and most of them include getting in open manholes or canals along the way, I always forget about the brakes until the last minute but I'm still lucky I didn't get to ruin my face while I'm at it.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Every vacation, I would go to my Grandparents' house and most of my cousins would be there too, my aunt has a silly way of making sure all of us would eat. She's this big lady who brings a large plate (like close to a small basin) and would feed us while we play or do whatever. She would mix in the food and rice, and basically just call us one by one. Of course I wanna be one of them although Mom's not very fond of her style and we're eating rice mostly, but we're happy... well, I know I am, coz I get all the chunks of meat (hehe).</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">El NiΓ±o phenomenon in the Philippines was really bad, we had to fetch water from other places, so Papa (one of my uncles) made us a cart which could carry like 10 big containers of water, I get to sit on it and hold all of the containers while the other guys push it (sweet!). We even came up with a jingle to keep us from getting bored, but it mostly includes the way we see the guy who pays us to fetch water for him and his baldness, he never found out about it (lucky us). There was this one time one of my cousins is so mad because he doesn't want to come with us, he pushed the cart really hard and the containers were still empty and I am on board, I went straight a small hill towards a waist deep open manhole which totally wreaked with murky water and contains assortment of trash. The others went to my rescue and when they pulled me out they saw a large piece of broken glass stuck on my left foot. I was brought home immediately after they poured water all over me coz it was super stinky and again wailing like crazy. I was I think 9 years old when that happened, they weren't able to touch the wound easily coz I was crying. Papa blindfolded me and my other cousins held my hands and feet just so they can get on with trying to clean the wound. I'm such a sissy.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">After that, I got excused from doing anything around the house, I'm a Princess and they get to do what I want (oh yeah!). My cousins are then starting to grow up and they got into basketball so I learned the sport as well, but I never got the chance to play with them. I ended up being the cheerleader.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">One more thing is that this was also the time I get to REALLY appreciate the rainy season, bathing in it with my cousins, making paper boats to race, play under the storm, slide in the street until you get a cold after bathing (so WORTH it!)</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I didn't easily let go of my childhood, I was still into games and other stuff. I am already a highschooler but I still am on the street with my younger brother's playmates playing cards, street baseball, tag and hide and seek. I enjoyed and prolonged it but I still felt that it was gone so quickly.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">This has been a really long post but I still feel it's not enough even as a gist of what my childhood had been, it was all fun and excitement and I remembered almost everything in it especially since all the pain and suffering when you're a kid would only take a few pieces of candy or chocolate, a new toy or a trip to Jollibee to be taken care of.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">*sigh*</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Remembering those moments is truly notalgic, especially the times when the wrong is being punished and the right is rewarded, it's supposed to be really simple. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Maybe our childhood experiences are different but one thing is for sure, the things at those times are simpler, you get problems like your scissor is not sharp enough, the pencil is broken, you don't have your color with you, it doesn't rain when you don't want to go to school and when you cry your mom or dad will come running to your side.</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">At this point my fingers are so tired to do the talking my lips can still probably handle. I wish my kid would somehow be able to get the feel of the childhood I had, being active and really outside mixing with other kids during playtime. If you have kids, you should let them experience the fun of being a kid. If there's one thing I really like about my childhood, it is the fact that my parents gave me the proper avenue to be free to do what I want and to enjoy things (though of course, sometimes I get to be punished too).</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Now where did they say the fountain of youth is located?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I still have that kid in me.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Sometimes I feel the need to erupt in unbridled laughter, play outside, hop and frolic. I get different reactions all the time, but I like being silly. It never gets old. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I may wear stilettos and be on my formal dress but if I want to skip the last step on the stairs and jump. I do. If I feel the need to sway and do a jig when I hear a tune. I do. If I want to play a game of tag with kids anywhere I see them. I do. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I miss bathing in the rain though (^_^).</span><br />
<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">***This note may still be continued by the author one of these days depending on her mood and the workings of her foolish mind... (LOL)***</span></div>Radical Divahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08553883477739206758noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408877055284151077.post-17130885332543529342011-03-15T04:26:00.000-07:002011-03-15T04:27:04.315-07:00Math Life<div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">"Math tells us three of the saddest love stories. Tangent lines who had one chance to meet and then parted forever. Parallel lines who were never meant to meet. And asymptotes who can get closer and closer but will never be together." - a forwarded quote</span><br />
</div><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I am not that good in Math and honestly, when I received this message I attempted to check the definitions of the lines that were given. True, I tried to review Algebra, but I still wasnβt able to absorb the facts. Unfortunately, these lines never failed to leave my mind. I still wasnβt able to grasp it but I had always been fascinated on how twisted fate could be, and how it could give people a lifetime of happiness or disappointment.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">In life, there really are certain people you meet who would serve a certain reason but it never occured to me that there are also people that would be there for you NOT to meet. What I donβt understand is the reason why we donβt have to meet them? Would it cause a catastrophic disaster if you meet those people you were not supposed to meet? </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Why are there people whom weβre not supposed to be with anyway? Why do we have to hurt like we can never imagine just because fate does not allow the union of the souls before them? Is this some kind of game that fate is playing with us, giving us a moment of fleeting joy in exchange for a lifetime of pain and suffering? </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Why is it that the best for us could be the most painful of all experiences? Would it be better for things like this to happen? What if we could be given a chance to choose our own fate, escape all of the unnecessary people, disregard the unwanted memories and accomodate only the ones that you want. In other words, nothing but the good life.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Do you think it would be more wonderful? Or rather would it do you any good? A place where everything would be perfect and would suit your taste. I remember the movie "The Truman Show," where Jim Carrey is the subject of a reality show. He has this "pseudo-world" wherein he gets to choose everything that would occur or happen in every part of the neighborhood or the world wherein he lives. In the end, he still felt the urge to live in the real world with its complexities and challenges. He never felt happy, he just felt confused and denied of his rights as a normal human being. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Is there really a road to happiness? I mean eternal happiness, where one could not endure hardships or sorrow anymore? But I guess such a world even if it would exist will not be as great as the real world. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So going back to the math love story. Which pair would you want to be? Parallel, tangent or asymptotes? I would definitely want to be an angle, complimenting each other, and forever connected in the right way.</span></div><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div>Radical Divahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08553883477739206758noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408877055284151077.post-714958853420375322011-03-12T08:17:00.000-08:002011-03-13T06:36:18.527-07:00Strawberry Flavored Fairy Dust and Purple Unicorns<div style="text-align: justify;"></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS',sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">"Cheer up and dry your damp eyes and tell me when it rains and Iβll blend up that rainbow above you and shoot it through your veins" - Rainbow Veins by Owl City</span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS',sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">The purple fluffy clouds are all over the horizon as I sat in the orange pavement looking at the glaring lemony sun, the colors are making my eyes hurt but I like the idea of this world I am in, it's what I fancy.</span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS',sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">A woman with a red and white polka dot dress is walking her three feet tall neon green donkey, they look really odd and how I love them, they slowly disappeared from my sight but I wanted to see them more and I tried to squint my eyes, but they are nowhere to be found, now I need to walk. </span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS',sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">I stood up and saw my reflection in the mirror magically appearing in front of me, wearing knee high stockings of pink, blue and white stripes, a pair of black baby doll ballerina flats, salmon colored dress with a balloon skirt and my hair in pigtails with red bows neatly done... I'm 7 years old.</span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS',sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">I walked across the street and a strange man in blue shirt and corduroy pants materialized and held my hand through the zebra lane, I trust him... I guess... I am gripping his hands. Am I scared?</span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">He lead me to the entrance of the park, there was a fence covered with ivy and posts that looked like peppermint candy canes... I never liked those, I was always worried about my teeth, but I love how they look, it made me lean in closer and feel them with my little stubby hands. </span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">"Ouch!" I squeaked.</span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">I have such a really pitchy voice and the man looked down at me, but I can't see his face. All I know is I feel safe when he's holding my hand, I am gonna be okay, everything is going to be alright. He looked away again, maybe he knew there was no real trouble and that I am just being a baby, we continued walking, we're not talking.</span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">"Who are you?" I thought.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">- "Who do you want me to be?"</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">I was taken aback, I didn't see his lips nor his face but I knew he said something. It's not my imagination I am sure. Definitely. I didn't hear him though, those are his thoughts, his thoughts and mine in a conversation. I tried again.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">"You are part of my dream?"</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">-"Yes. Because you want me to."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">"If I wanted you here, and this is my dream, which means I have full control, why can't I see your face?"</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">- "It's not ready."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">"What do you mean it's not ready? How can that be? How can I dream of you, and be affected by you and have this sort of communication with you if it's not ready? What's not ready? Are you not ready?"</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">- "You are, my dear."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">"ME?"</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">- "Yes. You. It has always been you."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">"I don't understand, I WANT to understand, I wish you can enlighten me. What is your purpose? Do you know me?"</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">- "I only have knowledge of the things you have granted me. I am here to hold your hand and to take you where you want to go, I will not be able to enlighten you for I am serving only one purpose... and that is to exist. You know me. And now you have to figure out the rest."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">"I know you? I created you here in my dream? But... How? Hmm... I am lost. I feel so dumb. I created you and now I feel like I have failed you. I am not much of a creator and I haven't given you everything that you deserve in this story. Do you think I should stop now?"</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">- "You are not failing me, you are failing yourself. Do you want to stop and let everything go? I am happy, you should not worry about me. The purpose is met and as long as it is being met I will continue to be happy, it's how you made me. It's very simple and yet fulfilling I don't have to search for more meaning, I am actualized."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">"Are you? What if I give you doubt and fear? What if I change your purpose and give you a lot of shortcomings? Would you still be happy? Would you still feel actualized? Would you still feel that? That whatever you are feeling for me?"</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">- "You complicate things creator, this is your world and I am just in here because of the role you want me to play, if you give me all of those it would be different. I would be different, I would have a character, but still serving a purpose. I would still be happy."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">"Why?"</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">- "Because I exist."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">I stood in front of this being. I am facing him now looking up at him, all 3 feet and 4 inches of me. I want to see him, his face. I tried my best to give him a face, a mark, an identity.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">"It's not working."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">- "What is creator?" </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">"I was trying to give you a face and it's not working."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">- "It's not ready creator. It has to be ready, it will happen eventually."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">The man knelt in front of me and I can see his wholeness and the lack of a feature humans can identify him with. He moved his hands to cup my innocent face, serenity washed over me. Trickles of root beer soda started to drench us, I looked up to the now magenta colored sky filled with yellow fluffy clouds in the form of various animals, and focused on a little rabbit.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">- "Creator, why did you created me?"</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">"Now you are trying to question me." I hid my toothy grin.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">- "Yes. Free will surely feels funny."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">"Yes it is, you noticed it so fast. Now you have an essence."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">- "Purpose and essence it's a good combination, you are smart."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">"Thank you. This time, I like what you said and since you have free will I am delighted to hear that, but I still have to figure things out, I'm learning... but I know we'll get there... eventually as you said earlier."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">- "You didn't answer my question creator."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">"Alas. Your purpose before was to make me feel safe and accompany me. Now you have to figure it out on your own, it's a little game I made, I hope you like games."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">- "Why does it have to be a game? I like my purpose before, I find it easier to meet and I am happy with it."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">"I am not. And the tables have now turned. YOU are asking ME questions."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">- "This is your dream. In the end, I am still nothing but a player. I like free will though but I am feeling something like I am incomplete."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">"Yes. Now it IS ready."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">He looked at me with his ebony colored eyes and long lashes. He took a deep breath and smiled with his thin cherry colored lips. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">- "Creator. It's done."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">I smiled. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">I stood up.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">A woman all five feet three inches in her prime with long dark wavy hair barely reaching my chest wearing a canary yellow colored empire cut fitted dress up to my thighs and a pair of high heeled stilettos. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">"Come, now we have to go."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">- "You are beautiful creator."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">"I think I MAY have made you say that." suppressing a chuckle.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"> - "Do you have to wake up now?"</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">"Yes. Hear that?"</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">Thundering voices.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">- "Yes."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">"That's Mom and my brother I think." I winked.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">- "Now I wish I am real."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">"I wish for the same thing. You are perfect. You are everything I wanted you to be. But you are not real. You are a product of my imagination and you are still going to fulfill my wishes in some ways but now they won't be known to you anymore. I will yearn for you every time I wake up and would wish to encounter you every time I dream. Now I don't want to wake up."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">- "Why is that?"</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">"You're not listening." I grinned.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">"You are a dream and now the essence of my dreams. When I wake up I will search for someone like you, which will never happen because I didn't create them, the people who are outside my realm. And even if the time comes that I will meet and fall in love with someone, you will stay and I will still DREAM of you."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">- "It's not as bad as waiting for your return."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">"I know. Now I wish for one thing."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">- "What's that creator?"</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">"I like it better when you called me dear. But anyway, I want you to exercise your free will."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">He went forward and so close to my face, more thundering voices and they are getting louder. He leaned in and kissed my lips. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">"I MAY have again made you do that."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">- "I don't mind. I WANTED it too."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">"I have to go back."</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">He slowly vanished from view.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">I woke up and clutched my pillow. It's a good dream. I smiled faintly. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;"><br />
</span> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: magenta;">But it's JUST a dream.</span></span></div>Radical Divahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08553883477739206758noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408877055284151077.post-27180467357729486672011-03-08T06:37:00.000-08:002011-03-08T06:37:32.132-08:00A Note from the Past<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Whenever I see something I have written in the past it never fails to amaze me in certain ways. I never knew how idealistic I am, how much love meant to my young mind and how much of those I have shed over time.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">And how immature I wrote. ΓΌ</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">And yes, I love using code names.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">March 27, 2006</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Linguist Gamer,</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">hmmm.. as much as i would want to elaborate every detail of it... i feel words won't even be enough to describe what i am feeling... falling in love is a very delicate task that humans often neglect... it is said that, love is one of the few things that separates us from animals... it creates a different passion far more intricate than the urges of nature and physical stimulation... </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">i think i'm falling in love.. i'm now making my way through the whole falling process... the bits and pieces of my heart is now being hurled in this whirlwind of joy and excitement... i can feel the rush it supplies to my beaten and tortured body... the unique sensation it gives although my perception is still heavily injured... </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">i think i'm falling in love... though my system still doesn't seem to allow it... i can feel my whole body trembling by the mere mention of your name... i was almost in post mortem.. been numb for so long in this empty road i am throdding... like i was a beast caged and was frozen to last this long only to find out how lonely it would be... </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">i think i'm falling in love...but regardless how agile i am, i can't choreograph my fall. i have no control over my limbs as they fall in an unsightly heap. i am like a galoot in love who seems to lose control of my own tongue and babble endlessly... </span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">i think i'm falling in love... oh well this is just another day in the life of a fool...</span> </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span> </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Ignorant Sprite</span> </div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/3Cu41ji3P4A?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Nobody knows j</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">ust why we're here</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Could it be fate o</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">r random circumstance?</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">At the right place, a</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">t the right time</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Two roads intertwine. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And if the universe conspired </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">To meld our lives t</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">o make us</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Fuel and fire</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Then know w</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">here ever you will be</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So too shall I be.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Close your eyes, d</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">ry your tears</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">'Coz when nothing seems clear</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">You'll be safe here</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">From the sheer weight o</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">f your doubts and fears</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Weary heart, y</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">ou'll be safe here.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Remember how we laughed u</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">ntil we cried?</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">At the most stupid things l</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">ike we were so high</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">But love was all that we were on</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">We belong. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And though the world would n</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">ever understand</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">This unlikely union a</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">nd why it still stands</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Someday we will be set free, p</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">ray and believe.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When the light disappears a</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">nd when this world's insincere</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">You'll be safe here</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When nobody hears you scream, </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I'll scream with you</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">You'll be safe here</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Save your eyes f</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">rom your tears</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When everything's unclear</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">You'll be safe here</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">From the sheer weight o</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">f your doubts and fears</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Wounded heart</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When the light disappears a</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">nd when this world's insincere</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">You'll be safe here</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When nobody hears you scream, </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I'll scream with you</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">You'll be safe here </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">In my arms t</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">hrough the long cold night</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Sleep tight, y</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">ou'll be safe here</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When no one understands, </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I'll believe</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">You'll be safe, </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">You'll be safe</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">You'll be safe here</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Put your heart in my hands</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">You'll be safe here</span></div></div></div>Radical Divahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08553883477739206758noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408877055284151077.post-21727066221094984692011-03-07T00:09:00.000-08:002011-03-07T00:12:44.646-08:00You. Are. Annoying.<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When you are so teasing.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When you are talking about your hangups.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When you've been talking... just talking. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Annoying</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When I realize you are exemplifyng the male persona.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When you compliment me and it's something I'm not used to.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When our thoughts get lost in each others' translations.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Annoying</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When you enter my consciousness.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When I am unable to remove you that easily.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When it actually works and I think of you all the more.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Annoying</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When you make me realize my own insecurities and weaknesses.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When you ask me questions I don't exactly have answers.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And when I realize that I want to give you the best answer.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Mr. Annoying</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">You are annoying me in many ways I have ever imagined.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Sometimes, I wish I'm annoying you too, just to make it even.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Especially when I know that you are slowly becoming somebody to me.</span>Radical Divahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08553883477739206758noreply@blogger.com0