The unwanted impulse to make another stupid mistake....
The tremors are subsiding, the fear is enveloping my new found hapiness. Please don't bother, please stop making excuses, please stop making people believe that you care. Please. Please. Please.
I am now living the life I always wanted, finally I have stopped thinking of another person's happiness I am starting to feel important, to feel free and finally happy. It's such an irony but that would be the sweetest way to put it. I am finally free of entanglements that bind not only my freedom but my being as well. I am free to be myself in every essence of the word.
The only time that you will realize how amazing life is was the time you suffered the greatest hardship that it could bring you. I was overwhelmed, it left me nostalgic although most of the time in the earlier days I was more of stunned and depressed.
I pictured this, you, me, them exactly as I have figured it out. My face was plastered with an undaunted smile staring at your two amazingly deceptive eyes. You are doing it again to yourself. I have loathed you for the longest time and now I feel remorsed at how you have built your life.
True success can take you to greater heights financial success that is, but what is that with an empty and shattered soul? Still useless, baseless, inutile would be the best word to describe you at this very moment. You literally had everything laiden down in front of you all you had to do was make a choice stand up for it and face the consequences of them and be strong while you're at it.
What did you do? Yeah, amazing the first survival instinct of man, escape. Your adrenaline seemed to be always pointing you to the flight syndrome I wish facing challenges in life would be as easy as how you upgrade technology but it's not, definitely.
What's the sense of talking to me? So that you can continue telling people how I have betrayed you? How I have chosen this for myself? How you made a mistake? How sorry you were? Would that even clear things up? Would it change it? Would it at least be for the better as you have presumed it would be?
Things aren't easy, life is meant to be hard. The impulse to trample your body and shred it into bits and feed it to a swarm of starved alligators isn't a bad idea after all *grin*.
You don't need to be involved with my family. Start building your own and figure out a way not to add hurt people on your list.
Try to be happy with no excuses and no hidden agendas, life is not a business that you can run with just a mere framework nor strategies you have to make wise decisions and learn from things. You won't forever be healthy and strong or on top of your game, please have some pride left to yourself for your own sake.
Ever wonder why you don't have the guts to face people? Because you are scared, you are hollow and bitter, and no one can ever make you whole other than yourself. Stop fixing and interfering with other people's lives focus on your own drama, it needs a lot of work and don't ever blame other people for the mistakes you have made on your own. They won't like it and so would you.
GROW UP AND BE A MAN!