Friday, July 17, 2009

Back in the Saddle

Well it hasn't been a while since I got my status back to being "Single". There has been a couple of unlikely turn of events that I had experienced but none I would regret because they have been the keys to becoming who I am today. I am happy, quite fairly. Although to some it might sound like a tough self convincing act, which at times it might, but generally I am happy.

I am open to dating. I am not expecting anything from anyone but being back in the saddle is quite tough for me. I always tend to compare and to see things in a rather not so good point of view that before it happens I am already gone out the door and is saying no to a proposal. I think I am no longer confident in this situation, all the ideas I used to have about Mr. Right has burst into thin air and I figured it must be the most common reaction there is for women like me.

I have NOT yet dated anyone, though I claim to be available. It's not really being with someone that scares me but rather the tedious process again of trial and error in meeting the guy whom you would be willing to share your life with, to make mistakes and enjoy everyday as it comes. SO... I figured I would make it easier (or harder!) for them now so if they don't like who I am I could just scare them with my wit (which most of the time works by the way) or if it fails I would just recount the stuff that would even make my bestfriend's hair stand on it's end... (haha, kidding) but I really do such things so that men would not mess with me or would continue see me in that other light they should look at.

I yearn for someone. YES!
I just fear that they might just like me for a certain facet of my persona and then they would reject the whole of me if ever they found out my silly quirks and see me in my worst times, while babbling about it.

I am not pretty so I don't have the right to be choosy. I KNOW which is what exactly makes me think why someone be interested with me, (gag!). In the morning my hair would be so disheveled that Sadako's mane would look much more appealing. I snore, I think although none have ever mentioned anything about it... not a very nice thing to say for a woman but what the heck. You wouldn't exactly be sleeping with me to find out right?

I just wanted someone who would accept me, all of me and not my parts which would look good with them or would make them look better or would compliment their high regard for themselves. In the first place I am not here to be your display girl. (not that I could be worthy of such anyway...)

I curse... a lot... not really those mean awful words you hear on the streets but I do in a mildly acceptable way and in which times I really don't realize.

I'm such a wimp. Although you might think of me as some biatch-slapping-your-face kind of woman, well I am, but there are stuff that scares the living dogsh*t out of me and they might be funny to you or something but they might kill me.

I'm not perfect, so I'm not looking for a perfect man.

I don't believe in happily ever after anymore and I've woken up from a deep slumber in that fantasy land.

Life with me won't be easy.

There would be times we would have burnt food, so you should be able to appreciate canned ones or I could order good take out or you could cook if you like.
I won't forever be this perky, I have my off times too. I have pet peeves you wouldn't imagine and my patience would wore out thin, but if you could just hug me and tell me how much you love me I'll be alright.
I shout, I'm noisy, there would be some bickering, I might nag at about almost everything, if you won't be able to stand it I won't be able to stop. Shouting back wouldn't work I've already figured that one out, but if you would sit down and actually listen my voice will tone down notch per notch.
I might hate you for stuff you did before, because I will be quite insecure but that would just mean that I want your attention and I want you more so please don't shun me out and try to hold me at which I would definitely resist but would succumb to in time.
I'm a mess, my life, my room, my bed. It's a total mess, I don't want someone to clean up the mess I made with my life I just want you to love me and overlook the mess I have made and we could mess around eventually (haha).
Did I mention I'm a slob, yeah you can add that to this worsening list of things you should consider before taking the time to ask me out.
I'm childish and sometimes a brat. But if you act like one too maybe we could turn this whole thing around, let's do something foolish and enjoy life.
I'm not as patient as I appear to be. Although I try. I really do.

I love wholeheartedly. I give everything a 100%, but I'll try to not lose myself in the process this time.
I will still go out with my friends, male, female or in between, night outs are inevitable so be prepared to take care of the house when I'm gone.
You'll have your boys' night out too. I won't even interfere with that even if you will be around girls and stuff.
I would want you to kiss another woman and not be able to because you will always realize how much you love me, even if no one's there to stop you.
I want to be free and I want you to be the same person when I met you but different everyday coz you will be changing, it's inevitable but I don't want us to change apart I want us to improve hand in hand.
We change together, love each other and plan the future together while living today and celebrating the past.

I want that someone. I want someone to be that someone or if not I just want to love someone, to be loved again, isn't it the most amazing thing?

I don't know how long it will take. I just hope not too long for I don't have the luxury of forever to do so. Some say you would have to kiss a lot of frogs in order to find out who your prince charming would be, would that mean without me going out in the field I won't find my prince, the answer to my love's duet?

I hope not. I hope he finds me and if he already did I hope he realizes he has found me.
I'm not a maiden to be rescued anymore I can ride my own horse and fight with my own sword but wouldn't it be sweeter if we would be fighting side by side?

I know this would scare a lot of people (men perhaps). But this is as real and as bad as it could possibly get, before you consider entering that realm of possibility with me, no sugar coating intended, all things written plainly. Life with me wouldn't be easy, I can be such a pain in the ass in most times, but you would be too I know and I would always be there to accept you for who you are.

When all the people have turned their backs on you I would always be here to cheer you up and push you to do what you have always wanted to do if only you would allow me to understand you. You wouldn't always need to understand me, just love me it's all I will ever ask. I want that someone. Someone, somebody to love.

Scared now? You should be...

If not... let's meet. I am willing to risk, I just hope you're worth it. If not, it would just be another day in the life of loving fool.

If it's true that in love, waiting is the sweetest stress... oh my I need a lot of stress tabs!

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