Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Transparency

“I knew that I had come face to face with some one whose mere personality was so fascinating that, if I allowed it to do so, it would absorb my whole nature, my whole soul, my very art itself.” - Oscar Wilde

Normal routines. What I like about them is that I always feel secured having them and they would always be there no matter how I mess up other things, it's like being in auto pilot, you might not be aware of how you went to a destination but you get there because you already know where it is.

What I hate about them is that they don't add color to your life and just keeps your body busy but your mind empty, there's no room for improvement and can be super boring.

I like challenges. The way they come out of nowhere, causing alarm, making you think and act in a different way. But of course they sometimes rattle you in such a way that you either choose to fight or take flight. It doesn't happen often so when it usually does, your whole system reacts to it, either excitedly or terrifyingly.

A weird mixture of complex emotions I am definitely not aware of its existence came seeping through my veins and are now making their way through my brain, causing synapses to response quickly and evidently.

Transparency.

It's that something that always make or break me.

I still love to think that I have transcended my thoughts clearly, but sometimes being too clear about something can be unclear too. And in that process, you might lose the bridge being slowly built by the people who would want to connect to you.

Too often I have fallen into the trap of that voice at the back of my mind.

Not that I don't try, but I just got so used to doing so that I don't realize that I was actually doing it already.

Certain people doesn't want to be challenged much, they might get tired of trying to get through to you at the point when you already realized how much you want them to. It's not exactly sacrificing your personality, it's just that you give people the chance to know you on their own and without you influencing that process.

"If I turn into another
dig me up from under what is covering,
the better side of me"

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