"A fear of heights is illogical. A fear of falling, on the other hand, is prudent and evolutionary" - Sheldon of Big Bang Theory
For the longest time, I have been trying to do things that are gonna test my limits and take me out of my comfort zone. I was on a roll before, but when my bestfriend got injured I had to standby and try my best not to show my eagerness coz I don't really want her to feel bad about stopping me from doing such things.
We agreed on taking every challenges, but there are just things she doesn't wanna try that I am so keen on, and stuff that she wants that I still cannot figure how I will be able to have the guts to do. To each his own, quirkiness, fears and level of stability. I was lucky to find someone who kinda equals mine and it was really amazing.
July 11th 2010.
To her knowledge, I have signed up in an online group on Facebook called Trippers and have been thrown tons of invitations for several trips around the Philippines as well as nearby countries. Most are like trips to the beach, island hopping, mountain climbing and touring, I pretty much have done most of it, probably not on the locations offered but there was nothing really special about them anyway, so I never paid attention. Until I saw an ad about rapelling, now that definitely got me.
I really didn't sign up exactly, but just inquired about it and even gone the length to get the itinerary just 2 days before the trip. I don't know anybody from that group so I was kinda hesitant in signing up.
I just found myself with my backpack boarding the bus at 3 in the morning to the meeting place. Not knowing where my curiosity and drive will take me.
Bad news was the group I was supposed to go with have made other arrangements just the day before, so I had to go to another place to meet them, which sucked a bit. But even if that was the case, I still feel that I have to do this, NOW.
I met with my guy bestfriend at the terminal that morning and ate a hefty meal at my fave chicken place, updating each other and talking nonsensical things (which I think I do often) until such time I got the directions to the new location.
At the back of my mind there was an inner conversation happening, and it's something like:
*_* You should head back home, it's not safe to go somewhere you don't know with people you don't know alone. You are still a girl and you should not do something rash like this.
@_@ But you already told your friends about it, how would you save your face?
*_* Would your pride be much more important than your safety?
@_@ Everything will be alright, you're a big girl now and you can handle yourself better than anyone else right?
*_* Are you even thinking?
The last statement kinda blew the argument off, yes I was thinking and I thought I would really dare try and cross out that thing on my bucket list.
NOW. NOT. NEVER.
I took the ride to the place instructed and met a few people after a couple of minutes in a fastfood joint. They looked cool but I wasn't talking much and they are trying to get me to talk (oh if you guys only knew how talkative I am, you won't do this).
We continued our journey to the rapelling facility and the funny thing is I was sitting in between two 10 year old kids, now I feel weird. Anticipating, I was always looking outside the window. We finally reached the destination and I saw this 40 ft elevation (I only knew it was 40 ft when the instructor told us) I just had to let out a deep sigh and hide the gulp somewhere there (I almost felt gagged, which was odd).
The guides made sure the facility is safe by explaining how heavy those ropes can carry and how much weight it would require to snap, 3 tons (hmm not so bad, I told myself). There was just this incident when the guide put rope on himself kinda looked awkward, coz it made his umm... thing protrude in a not so nice way (I just had to say that, coz it was disturbing! LOL).
And so trying to lose that disturbing sight, I looked at the elevation again and had to do double gulps (MAN!). I have serious heights issue, why does this have to occur to me?
Anyway, the kids went on first and they seemed to enjoy it so much that they actually came back for a lot of times. It took me time to gather enough courage to let the guide tie the harness around me and with that a guy nudged me to come with him, and him signalling that I go first.
(Wow! I don't think this is the right time to go chivalrous on me, but I didn't really have time to make a rebuttal because I had to focus on going up the steep steps.)
At the top of the elevation, I tried my best not to react but I think my face just gave me away, and I was turning red, while the instructor eyed on me devilishly, like thinking "oh she's the one, we're gonna make her".
After being pushed by the eager rapellers (which were mostly guys) and throwing curse words out in the open (which by the way I DON'T DO) I finally got the courage to stand up from the chair I was sitting on.
A few more curse words did the trick, aimed at no one in particular they just flew out of my mouth while I unwillingly hooked the ring on my harness. The guide was trying to get me to fall backwards but I kept on hugging him tightly and going back to the ledge (coupled with more curse words, so to speak @$$#$%#@!)
Until he got me to look at him, and the funny thing was he told me "Ma'am, you have an awesome smile, can you please smile and look at me?"
HUH? I had this It's-not-a-good-time-to-start-hitting-on-me-Mister look on me but I know better not to say it, coz after much realization everything that came out of my mouth the time I was there were profanities.
And by the way I realized that it was a trick to get me going and stop hugging him (LOL!)
I don't know how long I shrieked while going down, but I certainly did.
I was just humming "Just keep kicking, just keep kicking" in the way Dory said it in the movie Finding Nemo referring to kicking the board and releasing ropes as I go down, I shouldn't be stuck here in anyway possible.
Next thing I know I was near the ground safe and eager to do it all over again (minus the swearing part now). I did it thrice and it was so amazing!
I don't know if it was the heights that scare me or the fear of falling and smashing my body into bits (which would obviously makes perfect sense if you look in deeper) but yeah I am scared of something. But I wouldn't trade the experience for anything in the world, after having everything done you would want to relive it each moment.
Making sure you won't forget the detail, for some this might not be extraordinary.
But as I know, to each his own challenge, their own challenge to overcome and stop picking on my brain and finding faults just give in and jump.
It might be illogical, but the momentary rush these things bring is something truly worth making the risk for.
I am becoming an adrenaline junkie.