I woke up around 6 am. I saw my rollerblades as I tried to look for the pair of fluffies I am wearing and it made me wear all my "safety" gears (except my helmet, too much I think). Saw the dazed look on my Mom's face, half asleep and probably wondering what the hell I am doing up THIS early, when I know for a fact I am not going to work. I just grinned and continued walking and headed out of the door.
The basketball court is the only place I can rollerblade and since it's a weekday and is super early still, not a soul in sight so I sat on a bench and got ready for another probable injury. It took quite some time for me to be able to get the hang of it again, since it has been like a month or something when I last used it. As I was circling each court, my mind is caught in deep reverie (something close to that effect), I was thinking about the first time I got into the rollerblades again and how careful I am so as not to get injured... it made me think I have something to lose or some pain or discomfort might result from this endeavor (as one of the Desperate Housewives from the neighborhood would say).
I was reminded of my favorite anime, Samurai X, the time he was being trained again by his Sensei because he is about to face a much stronger enemy, he was not winning the fight because he's starting to think he's got something to lose, he's scared, he is capable of fear so he doesn't give the best he could even when it is badly needed.
It went back to me, the people around me... Another assessment point, a matter to be considered. Human beings fear. We have fears that can be quite irrational (phobias) and rational (those that are justified through trial and error).
However, those that are rational or we acquire through time and experience are mostly the ones that hamper our quest for self actualization most of the time. In relation to that certain event, the fear of falling or injury have made me so careful in rollerblading thus it made it difficult to learn and it took a lot of time for me to give up the promise of that sturdy post or the rail.
Like in entering relationships, we tend to not give our all due to fear of being so absorbed in a one way relationship, or for fear that our love will not be reciprocated by the person we are giving our all to. It makes perfect sense.
I love this quote from the movie Whatever Works
"whatever love you can get and give, whatever happiness you can filch or provide, every temporary measure of grace, whatever works."
I need to stop rollerblading now. Too much thought processing while the other mindless (semi-suburban-yes-dear) housewives are starting to look at me from their windows and half the school kids oggling at me and I think half hoping for me to fall at some point. I almost fell, but I was able to get my balance soon enough (HAH! You wish!).
I sat down tried to get my composure and still lured by the topic presented.
I went home and got my mom and kid out of bed, it's time to hit the market and test my rusty bargaining skills.
I found the threads I needed for my dress projects and is happily tagging along the witty taunts of vendors along my way (which was weird... considering I usually blend in magnificently). My hairdresser had me trapped for another session, I think I want some serious color but she opted for something else, I still let her get away with it because she saved me from a would be disaster before (when I thought sporting a mohawk would be cool @_@ what was I thinking?). Oh... glorious pampering and scalp treatment is seriously awesome!
A couple of name dropping gossip as she did her stuff, coupled with some hearty guffaws and insolent witty remarks, she's still great in my point of view, the only one to touch my hair for as long as I can manage. And there was of course mani-pedi, "Paint them PINK!" was only my voiced concern.
Five hours later, I felt so much rejuvenated. FIVE HOURS! I missed a lot of reading time and sun time for my bike. Oh well!
Walking back home in that cheery mood is so good, I actually thought of cooking for a change. Mom was nervous, I haven't touched the kitchen since I can remember, let alone cook on my own. I told her "If it doesn't work, get the chicken out and we'll fry them" she just laughed.
Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
I remember it right, Dalai lama?
To abandon all sense of responsibility or consequence and just take the plunge despite the possible outcome.
I'm on it!