Saturday, March 12, 2011

Strawberry Flavored Fairy Dust and Purple Unicorns

"Cheer up and dry your damp eyes and tell me when it rains and I’ll blend up that rainbow above you and shoot it through your veins" - Rainbow Veins by Owl City

The purple fluffy clouds are all over the horizon as I sat in the orange pavement looking at the glaring lemony sun, the colors are making my eyes hurt but I like the idea of this world I am in, it's what I fancy.

A woman with a red and white polka dot dress is walking her three feet tall neon green donkey, they look really odd and how I love them, they slowly disappeared from my sight but I wanted to see them more and I tried to squint my eyes, but they are nowhere to be found, now I need to walk.

I stood up and saw my reflection in the mirror magically appearing in front of me, wearing knee high stockings of pink, blue and white stripes, a pair of black baby doll ballerina flats, salmon colored dress with a balloon skirt and my hair in pigtails with red bows neatly done... I'm 7 years old.

I walked across the street and a strange man in blue shirt and corduroy pants materialized and held my hand through the zebra lane, I trust him... I guess... I am gripping his hands. Am I scared?

He lead me to the entrance of the park, there was a fence covered with ivy and posts that looked like peppermint candy canes... I never liked those, I was always worried about my teeth, but I love how they look, it made me lean in closer and feel them with my little stubby hands.

"Ouch!" I squeaked.

I have such a really pitchy voice and the man looked down at me, but I can't see his face. All I know is I feel safe when he's holding my hand, I am gonna be okay, everything is going to be alright. He looked away again, maybe he knew there was no real trouble and that I am just being a baby, we continued walking, we're not talking.


"Who are you?" I thought.


- "Who do you want me to be?"


I was taken aback, I didn't see his lips nor his face but I knew he said something. It's not my imagination I am sure. Definitely. I didn't hear him though, those are his thoughts, his thoughts and mine in a conversation. I tried again.


"You are part of my dream?"


-"Yes. Because you want me to."


"If I wanted you here, and this is my dream, which means I have full control, why can't I see your face?"


- "It's not ready."


"What do you mean it's not ready? How can that be? How can I dream of you, and be affected by you and have this sort of communication with you if it's not ready? What's not ready? Are you not ready?"


- "You are, my dear."


"ME?"


- "Yes. You. It has always been you."


"I don't understand, I WANT to understand, I wish you can enlighten me. What is your purpose? Do you know me?"


- "I only have knowledge of the things you have granted me. I am here to hold your hand and to take you where you want to go, I will not be able to enlighten you for I am serving only one purpose... and that is to exist. You know me. And now you have to figure out the rest."


"I know you? I created you here in my dream? But... How? Hmm... I am lost. I feel so dumb. I created you and now I feel like I have failed you. I am not much of a creator and I haven't given you everything that you deserve in this story. Do you think I should stop now?"


- "You are not failing me, you are failing yourself. Do you want to stop and let everything go? I am happy, you should not worry about me. The purpose is met and as long as it is being met I will continue to be happy, it's how you made me. It's very simple and yet fulfilling I don't have to search for more meaning, I am actualized."


"Are you? What if I give you doubt and fear? What if I change your purpose and give you a lot of shortcomings? Would you still be happy? Would you still feel actualized? Would you still feel that? That whatever you are feeling for me?"


- "You complicate things creator, this is your world and I am just in here because of the role you want me to play, if you give me all of those it would be different. I would be different, I would have a character, but still serving a purpose. I would still be happy."


"Why?"


- "Because I exist."


I stood in front of this being. I am facing him now looking up at him, all 3 feet and 4 inches of me. I want to see him, his face. I tried my best to give him a face, a mark, an identity.


"It's not working."


- "What is creator?" 


"I was trying to give you a face and it's not working."


- "It's not ready creator. It has to be ready, it will happen eventually."


The man knelt in front of me and I can see his wholeness and the lack of a feature humans can identify him with. He moved his hands to cup my innocent face, serenity washed over me. Trickles of root beer soda started to drench us, I looked up to the now magenta colored sky filled with yellow fluffy clouds in the form of various animals, and focused on a little rabbit.


- "Creator, why did you created me?"


"Now you are trying to question me." I hid my toothy grin.


- "Yes. Free will surely feels funny."


"Yes it is, you noticed it so fast. Now you have an essence."


- "Purpose and essence it's a good combination, you are smart."


"Thank you. This time, I like what you said and since you have free will I am delighted to hear that, but I still have to figure things out, I'm learning... but I know we'll get there... eventually as you said earlier."


- "You didn't answer my question creator."


"Alas. Your purpose before was to make me feel safe and accompany me. Now you have to figure it out on your own, it's a little game I made, I hope you like games."


- "Why does it have to be a game? I like my purpose before, I find it easier to meet and I am happy with it."


"I am not. And the tables have now turned. YOU are asking ME questions."


- "This is your dream. In the end, I am still nothing but a player. I like free will though but I am feeling something like I am incomplete."


"Yes. Now it IS ready."


He looked at me with his ebony colored eyes and long lashes. He took a deep breath and smiled with his thin cherry colored lips. 


- "Creator. It's done."


I smiled. 


I stood up.


A woman all five feet three inches in her prime with long dark wavy hair barely reaching my chest wearing a canary yellow colored empire cut fitted dress up to my thighs and a pair of high heeled stilettos. 


"Come, now we have to go."


- "You are beautiful creator."


"I think I MAY have made you say that." suppressing a chuckle.


 - "Do you have to wake up now?"


"Yes. Hear that?"


Thundering voices.


- "Yes."


"That's Mom and my brother I think." I winked.


- "Now I wish I am real."


"I wish for the same thing. You are perfect. You are everything I wanted you to be. But you are not real. You are a product of my imagination and you are still going to fulfill my wishes in some ways but now they won't be known to you anymore. I will yearn for you every time I wake up and would wish to encounter you every time I dream. Now I don't want to wake up."


- "Why is that?"


"You're not listening." I grinned.


"You are a dream and now the essence of my dreams. When I wake up I will search for someone like you, which will never happen because I didn't create them, the people who are outside my realm. And even if the time comes that I will meet and fall in love with someone, you will stay and I will still DREAM of you."


- "It's not as bad as waiting for your return."


"I know. Now I wish for one thing."


- "What's that creator?"


"I like it better when you called me dear. But anyway, I want you to exercise your free will."


He went forward and so close to my face, more thundering voices and they are getting louder. He leaned in and kissed my lips. 


"I MAY have again made you do that."


- "I don't mind. I WANTED it too."


"I have to go back."


He slowly vanished from view.


I woke up and clutched my pillow. It's a good dream. I smiled faintly. 


But it's JUST a dream.

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