Friday, April 1, 2011

How to be Alone


By Tanya Davis

If you are at first lonely, be patient. If you've not been alone much, or if when you were, and you weren't okay with it, then just wait. You'll find it's fine to be alone once you're embracing it.

We could start with the acceptable places, the bathroom, the coffee shop, the library. Where you can stall and read the paper, where you can get your caffeine fix and sit and stay there. Where you can browse the stacks and smell the books. You're not supposed to talk much anyway so it's safe there.

There's also the gym. If you're shy you can hang out with yourself in mirrors, you could put headphones in.

And there's public transportation, because we all gotta go places.

And there's prayer and meditation. No one will think less if you're hanging out with your breath seeking peace and salvation.

Start simple. Things you may have previously  avoided based on your avoid being alone principals.

The lunch counter. Where you will be surrounded by chow-downers.
Employees who only have an hour and their spouses work across town and so they -- like you -- will be alone.

Resist the urge to hang out with your cell phone.

When you are comfortable with eat, lunch and run, take yourself out for dinner. A restaurant with linen and silver ware. You're no less intriguing a person when you're eating solo dessert to cleaning the whip cream from the dish with your finger. In fact, some people at full tables will wish they were where you were.

Go to the movies. Where it's dark and soothing. Alone in your seat amidst the fleeting community.

And then, take yourself out dancing to a club where no one knows you. Stand on the outside of the floor till the lights convince you more and more and the music shows you. Dance like no one's watching... because they're probably not. And, if they are, assume with it is best of human intentions. The way bodies move genuinely to beats is, after all, gorgeous and affecting. Dance until you're sweating, and beads of perspiration remind you of life's best things, down your back like a brook of blessings.

Go to the woods alone, and the trees and squirrels will watch for you. Go to an unfamiliar city, roam the streets, there're always statues to talk to and benches made for sitting give strangers a shared existence if only for a minute and these moments can be so uplifting and the conversations you get in by sitting alone on benches might've never happened, had you not been there by yourself.

Society is afraid of alonedome, like lonely hearts are wasting away in basements, like people must have problems, if, after awhile, nobody is dating them. But lonely is freedom that breathes easy and weightless and lonely is healing if you make it.

You can stand, swathed by groups and mobs or hold hands with your partner, look both further and farther in the endless quest for company. But no one's in your head and by the time you translate your thoughts, some essence of them may be lost or perhaps, it is just kept.

Perhaps in the interest of loving oneself, perhaps all those sappy slogans from preschool over to high school's groaning were tokens for holding the lonely at bay. Cuz if you're happy in your head then solitude is blessed and alone is okay.

It's okay if no one believes like you.All experience is unique, no one has the same synapses, can't think like you, for this be relieved, keeps things interesting, life's magic things in reach.

And it doesn't mean you're not connected, that community is not present, just take the perspective you get from being one person in one head and feel the effects of it. Take silence and respect it. If you have an art that needs a practice, stop neglecting it. If your family doesn't get you, or a religious sect is not meant for you, don't obsess about it.

You could be in an instant, surrounded if you needed it.
If your heart is bleeding make the best of it.
There is heat in freezing, be a testament.

=====

I like the video since I saw it and I like listening to her soothing voice. It might sound like a justification to us all, but for her it's much more. An attempt to give meaning and to conquer her demons.

In a way, it gives you an idea of how someone tries their best to combat unhappiness (or so they think), the definition is dictated which most of the time is not exactly what people have in mind. Being 'alone' is sometimes synonymous to 'unhappiness' but it wasn't always the case.

Man is a social animal. He thrives in groups, in cliques, in societies, there's this incessant need to belong, to prove that you matter and to know that you exist.

I know.
I still do.

Experiencing things firsthand has always been a good way to learn, you just don't appreciate it right away, coz at the time you thought you failed.

On a different note:

*I am renewing my vow
*I wanna be rainbow colored by June. Hair, please grow longer faster.
*I am eager to watch the last installment of Harry Potter.
*I don't know if I want it soon really, it's like ending my teenhood? (haha)
*I need to find myself a hard bound copy of the 6th book too.
*I should make time for my closet. (drats!)
*I like the pink rose stud earrings someone gave me. *twinkling eyes*
*I realize I've been asked out a lot since I got my hair straightened. (whoa!)
*On that note, I am confused if I like it or not.
*I want to go to a concert.
*I want to go to a ball game just so I can scream.
*I had to spend my life savings to save someone's life. (worth it)
*I'm going back to the start. (which is hard, but welcomed)
*Being organized is not my cup of tea.
*Cooking is still something dreadful. (I'm learning)
*I don't have much use of my phone, until recently. (it rings! haha)
*I used to not care about fashion, but now it's embracing me. (still don't care. LOL)
*Nightmares are inevitable.
*I still wake up crying from them.
*No one's gonna wake me up so I had to.
*And it's a good thing I had the walls of my room destroyed.
*I can see my Mom and my brother from my bed and it makes me calm down.
*Privacy wasn't something I really care about much. (now)
*I realized I am now making my bed. (Mom is pleased)
*I know how to make my bed, but I just choose not to.
*Going home to a neatly made up bed made me feel so alone. (for a very long time)
*Some jokes are corny, some just hurt.
*I'm scared even of toy snakes. (I cried)
*I get scared when things get out of hand.
*Winning doesn't always feel good.
*I lost almost 5 kilos already. (Yay! or Nay!)
*Some people think my books are serving as a neat cover up.
*Sometimes they are, but I don't really escape.
*I miss being tickled.
*Hugs are far more intimate than kisses or sex.
*Even just 5 minutes of unadulterated attention given to someone is a good gift.
*The more I practice writing the more horrible my handwriting becomes. (haha)
*I wanna go cloud watching.
*Time stands still when you're looking at a broken clock. (wicked!)
*I wanna do some fast forwards and a few rewinds.
*Listening to music, reading and writing at the same time is not working for me.
*Mangoes are in season. (Yum!)
*I consumed a whole lot of juice this week.
*Someone told me my skin is so smooth and supple. (I touched hers too!)
*I am loving red lipsticks.
*Shaving is dictated by the clothes you wear. (if you're a girl)
*I need to shave. (tsk tsk)
*I don't like shaving. (ho hum)
*Off shoulder dresses and shirts are good for me. (my shoulders are fine. I was told)
*James Durbin reminds me of Adam Lambert (with the Tourette's and all)
*Your Song is a song for someone, but I always feel it's for me. (sigh)
*People tend to sing when I tell them my name. (Cherie Amour and Cherry Cherry lady)
*It always amuses me. *grin*
*I still have to have my name corrected. (ugh)
*I do want to go out of the country.
*I still don't know why I am not even trying to get a passport. (dumb)
*In the years I existed, this year has been the most interesting by far.
*I'm 27.
*'Me a rare villain, a shy?' is a phrase I came up with using the letters of my name. (sounds hill billy I know ~_^)
*I've already went too far from the topic I originally presented (ADD tendencies ^_^)

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