Bad At Love

I'm bad at love
But you can't blame me for trying
You know I'd be lying saying
You were the one
- Bad At Love By Halsey -

There's this post I saw on Facebook and it said, "I wish I could get a refund for all the love I've wasted on people." just one sentence but it carries much grief. I don't believe on wasted love. At the time you loved the person, you were so sure they were worth it, and believe me they were.

The notion that the person was not who you thought they were is highly debatable. I firmly believe that we know what we were getting into, we knew who we were falling in love with, we just couldn't choreograph the fall. We're unsure if we will be met with a pile of pillows or thorns once the seemingly endless falling stops.

At the time this was unknown to you, you had high hopes, immeasurable expectations and truthfully, you were creating a scenario in your head playing it every single day not knowing there is this other end of the spectrum where a different situation may be at play.

And then it happens, the falling comes to a complete stop.

If you were like me and met with thorns, then tough luck. After almost seven years of dress rehearsals, the play never went to fruition. And then you wake up from your dream like state and taken to an inglorious nightmare. Maybe there's a lesson behind this, and you try to dig deeper, reflect, analyze and then you go overkill on these things. Your anxiousness eats at you and logic is cast aside. Your brain is functioning, living, breathing, working, sleeping but your soul gets ravaged.

It gets better. I tell you, it really does. Not immediately. There's the soul crushing, energy draining, life escaping path you would need to walk on but you will get over it because you are strong, or at least that's what everybody is telling you. And you believe them, you believe yourself. That has always been the key.

You believe yourself enough that when you wake up in the morning despite being in auto pilot you make it through the day in one piece. That you still care for people. You are still capable of love. That you start to find delight in the little miracles thrown in your path. It's not easy but you should pull through especially if there are people cheering you on, who would be equally devastated at the loss of you. Seeing you lose yourself, and continuously breaking your heart in a million pieces.

There's hope. There's love. Maybe you are bad at this kind of love. Or maybe you just forgot that you  are love. You just have to go back to being the love that you are.

You are loved. You are love.